Dyin Read directs the Military
“Good morning, you’re listening to the Dyin Read show. Today we have a very special
guest, a two time President of the United States in two different centuries, the first
known time traveler, the face of the Finn [Also.Known.By.Some.Folks. as the five dollar
bill y’all], perhaps the easiest recognizable ‘Merican’ icon, and all around nice guy,
gAberaham sLinkcolin. It’s good to have you with us Mr. President.”
&&drawing of dyin and gaberaham in the studio Dyin is of asian descent&&
“Thank You Dyin, what a warm welcome! It is truly a pleasure to be here.”, replies
“You are about to begin your second term as president in the 21st century.”, says Dyin
“Yes, I am looking forward to it.”, responds gAberaham sLinkcolin.
“But what about its legality? Does that bother you?”, asks Dyin Read.
“Yes and no. I am concerned that ‘We The People’ suspended the 22nd
amendment in the case of the time traveling president; but that is
the lawyer, average citizen and politician in me voicing opinion. As
a POTUS and member of the inner party however…”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin
“The Inner Party Mr. President?! You are aware of that phrase’s
Bushwellian implications I do hope? Have you even heard of Gorge Bushwell’s
dystopian novel ‘2004′? It is a work of fiction both after and before your time.”,
interrupts Dyin Read. <<with obvious concern in her voice>>
“Yes, Yes Dyin. I am quite aware of this novel, that was a joke.”,
replies gAberaham sLinkcolin. <<chuckling as he does. Its as if he
were answering a child’s curiosity>>
“I am from the time before telly-visions and inter-nets so I do read a book or two in my
leisure. There is quite a body of work devoted to society and government, and the
philosophy of the human condition that has been written in the last hundred and fifty
years. I am reading ‘The Power of Cow’ right now in my spare time. No pun intended,
Dyin.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin
“Ofcourse, But…..”, starts Dyin Read.
“I know, I know; I am sidestepping your query. I do have my qualms
about taking two additional terms as president, but when one’s party
is in such a dreadful state so as to resort to time traveling and
abducting a past president just to secure a decent candidate tocompete in an
election…….Well, lets just say I’ve taken stock of his country and am doing what I hope is
best for ‘Merica’. I have a bit of experience dealing with a sharply divided ‘Merican’
public and I offer an outsider’s perspective on the state of modern world affairs. So I feel
that these two additional terms, however unprecedented and frowned upon by the
founding fathers and a modern minority, are acceptable collateral damage to the
Constitution.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin.
“Well some would disagree, but that is a very acceptable, well reasoned response. Thank
you for your candid answer. I can definitely see you’ve become familiar with Tronald
Dump’s style of logic, Mr. President.”, says Dyin Read.
“Ha, ha, hee…mmm, well yes Dyin, we did spend some time together during my first,
ahhh hem pardon, my third term. Please, call me gAberaham.”, says the President.
“Ofcourse, gAberaham. I know just about all our listeners are familiar with your life,
your history; but lets discuss some of the high points.”, says Dyin.
“Okay. What would you like to know?”, asks gAberaham.
&&image of lincoln and read fade into hop and finnegan&&
<<Let’s see what the heroes are up to…..shall we?>>
<<Formerly Future Finnegan and Hopskotch are lowered down from Anansi’s
web. the two of you are stunned into silence by the normalcy of Oklahellmouth
“There are no holes in the buildings and the skyscrapers still scrape
the sky. Yes, I know 2008 is awe inspiring.”, Anansi the spider says.
“I can’t believe my eyes, its been so long…”, says Hopskotch.
<<impatient and late as the white rabbit, Anansi prepares to leave the two of you>>
“Well if you two don’t get to work, the city doesn’t stay this nice for long.”, instructs
Anansi. <<and then he unthreads the fabric of time and crawls back into the
backstage of the universe>>
“Well, that was an abrupt farewell….”, you say.
”He’s right, we don’t have time to sightsee Finnegan, let’s get to
the studio.”, declares Hopskotch.
<<he Cook and the Dishwasher, formerly from the future, walk down the
sidewalk of the past…with a purpose. we now return to our regularly scheduled
program already in progress.>>
“Absolutely enthralling the way you tell it Mr. sLinkcolin. Your listen-ing to the Dyin Read
Show. Short break….right back”, says Dyin Read. <<her voice crackling with a coy
spark of intelligence>>
<<A radio announcer (think of a vanilla/white bread man with a pleasant,
unthreatening voice.) announces,>> “The Normal Towne Arts Association is having a
bake sale this Thursgay evening with a free screening of the film, The Killer Next Door at
8pm at the Havel Dids And Knots building on campus. This benefit is for the rebuilding
of the Old Science Laboratory that was burnt down during Kappa Alpha Foxtrot pledge
week last semester. In an effort to stifle small business growth and further contaminate
local groundwater, the city council is voting on whether or not to allow the building of a
strip mall for big box chain stores to take place in the Lemon Fancy WildLife Preserve in
east Normal Towne. The vote takes place in city hall this Tuesday night at 5pm. For a
more complete listing of events in the community please visit http://www.theknd.com or call
(405) 325-3388 for more details.” <<the show goes on>>
“Welcome back. If you are just joining us, we have President gAberaham sLinkcolin with
us today. He is talking about his life, his presidency and his new book entitled, ‘Since my
Death’. What can you tell our listeners about the night of your assassination? You
discuss it briefly in your memoir.”, begins Dyin Read.
“Well the funniest thing happened on the way to the theatre..”, begins the time traveling
“I hate to interrupt you mister president, but we have a couple insistant guests who just
joined us in the studio. They have a couple of other more immediate questions for
you…so they claim.”, says Dyin Read.
<<her voice betrays the gravity of what is most often referred to as a
“Pardon the interruption, mister President, but my friend Hopskotch Sunday and I have
traveled for quite a period of time to meet you and convince you to abstain from turning
‘Merica’s influx of illegal immigrant children into ‘Merican’ soldiers. The consequences
are bad news bears not only for ‘Merica’ but the entire human civilization will be
extremely negative.’’, you say into the studio microphone.
<<this microphone/headphone set was graciously supplied to you buy the
studio employee you threatened with your favorite ax. Dyin Read, a true master of
her trade goes from alerting the authorities on her MyPhone to actively engaging
you and the president in what will definitely be a rating topping hour of the Dyin
Read show. Real ‘Merican’ Public Radio personalities do not balk in the face of
terrorists bearing medieval arms. Hopskotch Sunday accepts a pair of headphones
with microphone of his own from the now cordial studio employee, Lennon his
name turns out to be, and a chair on wheels with which to sit and join in on the
conversation already in progress>>
“Yes, please share with us, if you would, your reasoning behind the decision to draft all
underage illegal immigrants into the ‘Merican military.’’, says Dyin Read. <<leading the
‘Merican’ president back into discussion of the most pressing political policy of the
“Why yes of course Dyin. I wanted to express my acknowledgement of the ‘Merican’
people’s sympathies for the poor children who will inevitably be sent off to wars. But as
your listeners are well aware, these children have been sent to this country illegally to
seek asylum. They are coming from impoverished conditions and seek a better life. I
propose we stop sending them back out into the cold dark night and live up to our
country’s promise to take in the worlds hungry and desolate. Back when I was president
the first time in the 19th century, we expected our country to admit those in need, and
we expected those in need to contribute to our country. By admitting the children of the
world and feeding, sheltering and more importantly educating these children here in the
21st century, we can give them a chance at a better future than they ever would have
outside of our country’s borders…..and in return they will defend and expand those
borders that they have come to love and to call home.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin with
his characteristic eloquence.
“Well that is indeed interesting if not inventive foreign policy,
mister president. Wouldn’t you agree, <<uncomfortable pause>>,
I’m sorry, what were your names again?”, says Dyin Read.
<<you and Hopskotch Sunday look at each-other and shrug>>
“My name is Finnegan and this is my associate Mr. Sunday.”, you say.
“Howdy Partners!”, Hopskotch Sunday says. <<Hopskotch speaks into his microphone
with more joviality than you expected in this situation. Hopskotch smiles back at
you and rubs his shaved head>>
“Errr…yes. It is inventive foreign policy, but what I’m…”, you say.
“And military enlistment is at an all time low. The ‘Merican’ people
don’t seem to have to stomach for service these days.”, Dyin Read
“Oh from what I’ve seen the ‘Merican’ public has quite a bit of stomach, but I don’t think
it is full of bravery and call to arms. If you know what I mean.”, jokes Hopskotch Sunday.
“Ha, Ha, Ha!! Yes, many are full of slothfulness and a call to chicken legs.”, gAberaham
<<Hopskotch laughs with gAberaham and then realizes the President may have just
snuck in a racist joke in an attempt to mock him. Hopskotch Sunday scowls at
“Wow, you two need your own comedy show. Back to the point, ‘Merican’ Military
expansion will become gargantuan if you start using the illegal immigrant children of
today as tomorrow’s soldiers.”, you say.
“There are lots of folks who feel that way, Miss Finnegan, but…”, starts President
“In the year 4325 there are millions of folks who feel that way, and its Mrs. L’Argent du
Sang”, you interrupt.
<<both Dyin and gAberaham pause in mid-action with their mouths open and look
at one another and then at Finnegan and then at Hopskotch. everyone realizes
what game they are playing at and they are now all reading from the same page>>
“Oh. It’s you, is it? Tronald warned me about you. You’re the you from
after…after the show; shall we say?”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin.
“Yes it is me…”, you say. <<you respond flatly, making sure of the location of your ax
without breaking eye contact with the President>>
“I am also happy to be here. In this time. Alive. Ready to leave this studio after we give
you that message. Us. Finnegan and I leaving here in a sec. Thanks ‘Merica’. Thanks
Dyin Read. President sLinkcolin, you tell your tale. I imagine it is as tangled as a ball of
Betsy Ross’s yarn.”, says Hopskotch.
“Ha ha ha ha ha…”, laugh both Dyin Read and gAberaham sLinkcolin.
“Yes, sorry buddy. It is Hopskotch Sunday and I; come back to the
past to warn you to quit ruining the future.”, you say.
<<gAberaham sLinkcolin and Dyin Read give each-other calculating glances and
sLinkcolin nods to her and takes the lead. he sits back and crosses his long legs and
composes his long arms>>
“Exactly right Finnegan. You and Hopskotch have come to the past to correct
the future. Military expansion as vast as you have indirectly outlined is
destined to be seen as hostile by the rest of the world. And the only way to
keep other countries in line is to put ‘Merica’ in control of them. Instead of
fixing the problems that lead to the illegal immigration, we seek the past of
least resistance. Normally we force the immigrants back into the impossible
situations they fought to escape from, or we just imprison them indefinitely.
But now you want to try another way to avoid addressing the cause of the
undesired immigration explosion? This is folly. It is the same old tale of instant
gratification jumping ahead of common sense at the grocery store. Let us get the pay off
now, be damned the consequences tomorrow.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin.
“Is that some old white guy life time achievement goal, to fuck up the world for the next
“It would seem that way from what I have put together from information that I learned
from that little glowing box. <<computer>> Let us learn from our country’s past
mistakes and create a better future, for the whole world. ”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin.
<<Dyin Read raises her hands and points to Dori Anisman, who answers the
“There is some guy named after a sandwich on the phone and he is asking Finnegan if
she wants to go get a hamburger.”, says Dyin Read.
<<with all the finesse of an axe on One’s front door life changes. moving on and
making sense of what seem to be the most absurd things. opening our eyes and
paying attention to what is going on right now. what does it have to do with the
price of tea in China? it makes sense if you think about it. Goodnight Finnegan>>