70 Dyin Read directs the Military

Dyin Read directs the Military


“Good morning, you’re listening to the Dyin Read show.  Today we have a very special

guest, a two time President of the United States in two different centuries, the first

known time traveler, the face of the Finn [Also.Known.By.Some.Folks. as the five dollar

bill y’all], perhaps the easiest recognizable ‘Merican’ icon, and all around nice guy,

gAberaham sLinkcolin. It’s good to have you with us Mr. President.”


&&drawing of dyin and gaberaham in the studio  Dyin is of asian descent&&


“Thank You Dyin, what a warm welcome!  It is truly a pleasure to be here.”, replies

gAberaham sLinkcolin.


“You are about to begin your second term as president in the 21st century.”, says Dyin



“Yes, I am looking forward to it.”, responds gAberaham sLinkcolin.


“But what about its legality?  Does that bother you?”, asks Dyin Read.


“Yes and no.  I am concerned that ‘We The People’ suspended the 22nd

amendment in the case of the time traveling president; but that is

the lawyer, average citizen and politician in me voicing opinion.  As

a POTUS and member of the inner party however…”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin



“The Inner Party Mr. President?! You are aware of that phrase’s

Bushwellian implications I do hope?  Have you even heard of Gorge Bushwell’s

dystopian novel ‘2004′?  It is a work of fiction both after and before your time.”,

interrupts Dyin Read. <<with obvious concern in her voice>>


“Yes, Yes Dyin.  I am quite aware of this novel, that was a joke.”,

replies gAberaham sLinkcolin. <<chuckling as he does.  Its as if he

were answering a child’s curiosity>>


“I am from the time before telly-visions and inter-nets so I do read a book or two in my

leisure.  There is quite a body of work devoted to society and government, and the

philosophy of the human condition that has been written in the last hundred and fifty

years. I am reading ‘The Power of Cow’ right now in my spare time. No pun intended,

Dyin.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin


“Ofcourse, But…..”, starts Dyin Read.


“I know, I know; I am sidestepping your query.  I do have my qualms

about taking two additional terms as president, but when one’s party

is in such a dreadful state so as to resort to time traveling and

abducting a past president just to secure a decent candidate tocompete in an

election…….Well, lets just say I’ve taken stock of his country and am doing what I hope is

best for ‘Merica’. I have a bit of experience dealing with a sharply divided ‘Merican’

public and I offer an outsider’s perspective on the state of modern world affairs.  So I feel

that these two additional terms, however unprecedented and frowned upon by the

founding fathers and a modern minority, are acceptable collateral damage to the

Constitution.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin.


“Well some would disagree, but that is a very acceptable, well reasoned response.  Thank

you for your candid answer.  I can definitely see you’ve become familiar with Tronald

Dump’s style of logic, Mr. President.”, says Dyin Read.


“Ha, ha, hee…mmm, well yes Dyin, we did spend some time together during my first,

ahhh hem pardon, my third term.  Please, call me gAberaham.”, says the President.


“Ofcourse, gAberaham.  I know just about all our listeners are familiar with your life,

your history; but lets discuss some of the high points.”, says Dyin.


“Okay. What would you like to know?”, asks gAberaham.

&&image of lincoln and read fade into hop and finnegan&&


<<Let’s see what the heroes are up to…..shall we?>>


<<Formerly Future Finnegan and Hopskotch are lowered down from Anansi’s

web.  the two of you are stunned into silence by the normalcy of Oklahellmouth



“There are no holes in the buildings and the skyscrapers still scrape

the sky.  Yes, I know 2008 is awe inspiring.”, Anansi the spider says.


“I can’t believe my eyes, its been so long…”, says Hopskotch.  


<<impatient and late as the white rabbit, Anansi prepares to leave the two of you>>


“Well if you two don’t get to work, the city doesn’t stay this nice for long.”, instructs

Anansi.  <<and then he unthreads the fabric of time and crawls back into the

backstage of the universe>>  


“Well, that was an abrupt farewell….”, you say.  


”He’s right, we don’t have time to sightsee Finnegan, let’s get to

the studio.”, declares Hopskotch.  


<<he Cook and the Dishwasher, formerly from the future, walk down the

sidewalk of the past…with a purpose.  we now return to our regularly scheduled

program already in progress.>>


“Absolutely enthralling the way you tell it Mr. sLinkcolin. Your listen-ing to the Dyin Read

Show.  Short break….right back”, says Dyin Read.  <<her voice crackling with a coy

spark of intelligence>>


<<A radio announcer (think of a vanilla/white bread man with a pleasant,

unthreatening voice.) announces,>>  “The Normal Towne Arts Association is having a

bake sale this Thursgay evening with a free screening of the film, The Killer Next Door at

8pm at the Havel Dids And Knots building on campus.   This benefit is for the rebuilding

of the Old Science Laboratory that was burnt down during Kappa Alpha Foxtrot pledge

week last semester.  In an effort to stifle small business growth and further contaminate

local groundwater, the city council is voting on whether or not to allow the building of a

strip mall for big box chain stores to take place in the Lemon Fancy WildLife Preserve in

east Normal Towne.  The vote takes place in city hall this Tuesday night at 5pm.  For a

more complete listing of events in the community please visit http://www.theknd.com or call

(405) 325-3388 for more details.”  <<the show goes on>>  


“Welcome back.  If you are just joining us, we have President gAberaham sLinkcolin with

us today.  He is talking about his life, his presidency and his new book entitled, ‘Since my

Death’.  What can you tell our listeners about the night of your assassination?  You

discuss it briefly in your memoir.”, begins Dyin Read.


“Well the funniest thing happened on the way to the theatre..”, begins the time traveling



“I hate to interrupt you mister president, but we have a couple insistant guests who just

joined us in the studio.  They have a couple of other more immediate questions for

you…so they claim.”, says Dyin Read.  


<<her voice betrays the gravity of what is most often referred to as a

hostage situation>>


“Pardon the interruption, mister President, but my friend Hopskotch Sunday and I have

traveled for quite a period of time to meet you and convince you to abstain from turning

‘Merica’s influx of illegal immigrant children into ‘Merican’ soldiers.  The consequences

are bad news bears not only for ‘Merica’ but the entire human civilization will be

extremely negative.’’, you say into the studio microphone.  


<<this microphone/headphone set was graciously supplied to you buy the

studio employee you threatened with your favorite ax.  Dyin Read, a true master of

her trade goes from alerting the authorities on her MyPhone to actively engaging

you and the president in what will definitely be a rating topping hour of the Dyin

Read show.  Real ‘Merican’ Public Radio personalities do not balk in the face of

terrorists bearing medieval arms.   Hopskotch Sunday accepts a pair of headphones

with microphone of his own from the now cordial studio employee, Lennon his

name turns out to be, and a chair on wheels with which to sit and join in on the

conversation already in progress>>


“Yes, please share with us, if you would, your reasoning behind the decision to draft all

underage illegal immigrants into the ‘Merican military.’’, says Dyin Read.  <<leading the

‘Merican’ president back into discussion of the most pressing political policy of the



“Why yes of course  Dyin.  I wanted to express my acknowledgement of the ‘Merican’

people’s sympathies for the poor children who will inevitably be sent off to wars.  But as

your listeners are well aware, these children have been sent to this country illegally to

seek asylum.  They are coming from impoverished conditions and seek a better life.  I

propose we stop sending them back out into the cold dark night and live up to our

country’s promise to take in the worlds hungry and desolate.  Back when I was president

the first time in the 19th century, we expected our country to admit those in need, and

we expected those in need to contribute to our country.  By admitting the children of the

world and feeding, sheltering and more importantly educating these children here in the

21st century, we can give them a chance at a better future than they ever would have

outside of our country’s borders…..and in return they will defend and expand those

borders that they have come to love and to call home.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin with

his characteristic eloquence.


“Well that is indeed interesting if not inventive foreign policy,

mister president.  Wouldn’t you agree, <<uncomfortable pause>>,  

I’m sorry, what were your names again?”, says Dyin Read.


<<you and Hopskotch Sunday look at each-other and shrug>>


“My name is Finnegan and this is my associate Mr. Sunday.”, you say.  


“Howdy Partners!”, Hopskotch Sunday says.  <<Hopskotch speaks into his microphone

with more joviality than you expected in this situation.  Hopskotch smiles back at

you and rubs his shaved head>>


“Errr…yes.  It is inventive foreign policy, but what I’m…”, you say.


“And military enlistment is at an all time low.  The ‘Merican’ people

don’t seem to have to stomach for service these days.”, Dyin Read



“Oh from what I’ve seen the ‘Merican’ public has quite a bit of stomach, but I don’t think

it is full of bravery and call to arms.  If you know what I mean.”, jokes Hopskotch Sunday.     


“Ha, Ha, Ha!!  Yes, many are full of slothfulness and a call to chicken legs.”, gAberaham

sLinkcolin continues.


<<Hopskotch laughs with gAberaham and then realizes the President may have just

snuck in a racist joke in an attempt to mock him.  Hopskotch Sunday scowls at

gAberaham sLinkcolin>>


“Wow, you two need your own comedy show.  Back to the point, ‘Merican’ Military

expansion will become gargantuan if you start using the illegal immigrant children of

today as tomorrow’s soldiers.”, you say.


“There are lots of folks who feel that way, Miss Finnegan, but…”, starts President



“In the year 4325 there are millions of folks who feel that way, and its Mrs. L’Argent du

Sang”, you interrupt.


<<both Dyin and gAberaham pause in mid-action with their mouths open and look

at one another and then at Finnegan and then at Hopskotch.  everyone realizes

what game they are playing at and they are now all reading from the same page>>


“Oh.  It’s you, is it?  Tronald warned me about you.  You’re the you from

after…after the show; shall we say?”,  says gAberaham sLinkcolin.


“Yes it is me…”, you say.  <<you respond flatly, making sure of the location of your ax

without breaking eye contact with the President>>   


“I am also happy to be here.  In this time.  Alive.  Ready to leave this studio after we give

you that message.  Us.  Finnegan and I leaving here in a sec.  Thanks ‘Merica’.  Thanks

Dyin Read.  President sLinkcolin, you tell your tale.  I imagine it is as tangled as a ball of

Betsy Ross’s yarn.”, says Hopskotch.


“Ha ha ha ha ha…”, laugh both Dyin Read and gAberaham sLinkcolin.


“Yes, sorry buddy.  It is Hopskotch Sunday and I; come back to the

past to warn you to quit ruining the future.”, you say.


<<gAberaham sLinkcolin and Dyin Read give each-other calculating glances and

sLinkcolin nods to her and takes the lead.  he sits back and crosses his long legs and

composes his long arms>>  


“Exactly right Finnegan.  You and Hopskotch have come to the past to correct

the future.  Military expansion as vast as you have indirectly outlined is

destined to be seen as hostile by the rest of the world.  And the only way to

keep other countries in line is to put ‘Merica’ in control of them.   Instead of

fixing the problems that lead to the illegal immigration, we seek the past of

least resistance.  Normally we force the immigrants back into the impossible

situations they fought to escape from, or we just imprison them indefinitely.  

But now you want to try another way to avoid addressing the cause of the

undesired immigration explosion?  This is folly.  It is the same old tale of instant

gratification jumping ahead of common sense at the grocery store.  Let us get the pay off

now, be damned the consequences tomorrow.”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin.  


“Is that some old white guy life time achievement goal, to fuck up the world for the next



“It would seem that way from what I have put together from information that I learned

from that little glowing box.  <<computer>>  Let us learn from our country’s past

mistakes and create a better future, for the whole world. ”, says gAberaham sLinkcolin.  


<<Dyin Read raises her hands and points to Dori Anisman, who answers the



“There is some guy named after a sandwich on the phone and he is asking Finnegan if

she wants to go get a hamburger.”, says Dyin Read.


<<with all the finesse of an axe on One’s front door life changes.  moving on and

making sense of what seem to be the most absurd things.  opening our eyes and

paying attention to what is going on right now.  what does it have to do with the

price of tea in China?  it makes sense if you think about it.  Goodnight Finnegan>>




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