Random Joe’s Journal from the October Expedition to Oklahellmouth City
Dasha loaded a group of ten of us into a Ticky Tacky University van that we liberated
form the University’s motor pool. We were well armed and fairly confident in our
weapons training. Dasha drove the truck onto the Oklahellmouth City train at eight in
the morning. We were to search for cows to kill and relatives to not. That is how Dasha
said it. She is fun to have as a leader.
Communications between Normal Towne and the rest of the world have been cut off
since the beginning of the “Cowpocalypse.” Free Dave said he came up with that name
for what is happening. Dasha said Free Dave was full of shit. To his face!. They had
words. Then Free Dave sucker punched Dasha in the jaw! I was gonna do something
about it, but Dasha came back at Free Dave with a knife and cut off a piece of his ear! I
think they would have kept going if Star wasn’t there to put a stop to it. Star pushed Free
Dave and Dasha apart and then when they wouldn’t stay separated, Star started firing
her gun at Dasha and Free Dave’s feet. Star made the two of them both dance around
with their hands in the air and beg for her to stop shooting. These people are insane.
Really. Insane. Well journal, I’ve gotta go unload the truck.
We left Star and Free Dave in charge of the Normal Towne Resistance. Dasha hugged bot
Free Dave and Star before we left town. As I was telling my buddy Evan goodbye, and to
watch my cats, I saw Dasha grab Star and start kissing her on the mouth aggressively.
Free Dave started hooting and hollering and making thrusting motions with his hips.
Sasha pulled her knife again. My dear journal, I am really kind of scared of those three
As Dasha’s soldiers, we traveled by train through the few remaining old ‘Merican’ towns
that stood between Normal Towne and Oklahellmouth City. The towns we passed
through were in various stages of destruction. No one exited the train until we reached
OKHMC. Our mission met with trouble early on. One of our crew was killed by a Horde
human slave on the train, and another guy got infected. When Dasha and her team of
eight arrived in OKHMC we stepped off the train with the intentions of scavenging the
city for supplies and signs of Horde activity. We would be seeking out missing relatives
and contacting local officials in the city government to warn about the coming
Cowpocalypse. The minute we stepped off of the train however, we were ambushed by a
group of five human zombies dressed as basketball players. Four more of Dasha’s team
were killed in our struggle. After killing the zombie ball players, Dasha and the four of
us remaining soldiers made our way out of the train station and found a living human
walking down the street talking on a cell phone. With access to the phone system we
learned that some of our relatives are still alive. There was still no way to access the
internet though. The Horde had already brought the internet down across all of the
continent of the Oklahellmouth. The communication with family prompted one more
member to leave the team. At least this one didn’t die, at least not in front of our eyes.
Then there was only me, Dasha and two other fighters. Lenny V and Tim Duck. Those
guys kept making jokes about Tronald Dump and orange flavored food poisoning all the
way to there deaths.
Dasha called to contact the Governor’s office. She actually got through to the Governor
on the first try. We were surprised to find that not only was the Governor somewhat
aware of the situation, but was also requesting for us to come down to the Capitol
building to advise him on how to deal with the zombie cows, in person! I was proud to
be a member of the team at that moment. Called to help the Governor of the great City of
Oklahellmouth. It was of course a trap. Durning her escape, Dasha lost her ear and the
remaining three members of her team…this sadly includes me.
Although I am dead, I will write down what happened. I work for the Horde now. I have
no real will of my own or any direction in life/death. So, what else is there to do but
write down what happens? The Horde actually doesn’t mind if I finish writing down
what happened inside of you, my dear journal. The Horde even want to read you when I
am done! So put your best page forward my friend.
So here’s what happened in the Governors office:
Dasha and I storm in through the front office with the two comedians bringing up the
rear. Dasha signals for me to wait for her to go in first and check for safety, but I tell her
to let me do it. I was a brave human like that. But when I look in the Governor’s actual
office, I see Notnek and another Zombie Cow standing next to this guy in a suit that I take
to be the Governor. The sight of the two monsters and a man in a suit liquified any
misplaced bravery that I may have had inside me. Notnek is holding a cage full of
rabbits and threatens to put the Governor’s head inside of the cage if the Governor
refuses whatever Notnek was trying to get to him to agree to. I did not see anymore
because Dasha pulled me out of the room. A second later the rabbit cage exploded.
Notnek and his Zombie Cow buddy had turned the cage full of bunnies into zombies.
The Zombie Bunnies did not want to work with or for the Horde. The Zombie Bunnies
ate each other inside the cage and replicated themselves into one giant rabbit monster.
The cage could not contain all of the cuteness and rage. Notnek and the other Zombie
Cow left the room rather quickly. The Zombie Rabbit monster ate the Governor and
came into the hallway. It saw me and Dasha and Lenny and Tim Duck. We spread out to
try and use our number to confuse and over power the Zombie Hell-Bunny. It doesn’t
work. The Zombie Bunny picks Dasha and charges her. I hear a sound from behind me.
I want to turn to see who’s behind me but I can’t tear my eyes off of the Zombie Rabbit
rushing at Dasha. Notnek has come back into the room. He grabs my ankle and pulls me
out of the room. Before I can find out what happens to Dasha and the comedians, I am
removed from play. All I hear are screams and the sound of rabbit ears and teeth flying.
I clutch and claw at the ground while one inhumanly strong hand drags me by the leg,
kicking and screaming. The Zombies took me away.
Now I work for the Boss.
– Random Joe
October 2016 Anno Domini
<<well that seems like a credible story now, doesn’t it Finnegan? and now, back to
the Virus in the sports room. Dasha grasps the large furry rabbit ear and hacks it
off of the dead thing that she leaves in the hallway outside the Governor’s office.
there is a trail of blood leading from the hallway that Dasha follows back out the
front doors of the capitol building and down the steps>>
<<Jaybee the Homeless Ninja is rummaging through a dumpster he likes on the side
of the Oklahellmouth City capitol building. Jaybee digs and occasionally pauses to
look out of the dumpster. dig, dig, dig, pause, up comes the head, look to the left,
look to the right…no one in sight, down goes the head, dig, dig, dig. ahh! Jaybee has
found something useful under this bag of office trash. but then a noise from
outside. sticking his head up, Jaybee looks down the alley toward the back of the
capitol building. there is no one there to disturb his rescue mission. when he turns
and looks up the alley at the front of the capitol building; Jaybee spies a blonde
woman in punk rock paramilitary gear. she appears to be attaching an oversized
severed rabbit’s ear to a hole on her head. Jaybee correctly presumes the hole was
the former residence of a human ear>>
<<Dasha seems to hear Jaybee breathing in the dumpster. after she finishes
attaching the ear; she turns and looks up, directly at him. Jaybee stares
dispassionately as Dasha walks up to his dumpster. she shakes her new ear and her
wild mane of hair about and then Dasha tilts her head and stares back at Jaybee
with a similarly feigned lack of interest. she is now two feet away>>
“The name is Dasha. How are you?”, says Dasha.
“I’m fine. Nice ear.”, Jaybee answers.
“Thanks. Just got it from a furry friend. You seen a couple walking talking cows come
through here?”, Dasha asks.
“Sorry, you’ll have to be more specific. I get a lot of traffic in my alleyways.”, says Jaybee.
<<Jaybee speaks with a smile. Dasha meets that smile with a cold stare. Jaybee
jumps out of the dumpster and dusts himself off>>
“Names Jaybee.”, says Jaybee <<he offers Dasha a hand>>
<<Dasha just stares blankly at the Homeless Ninja holding out his hand. after a few
seconds of awkward silence; Jaybee lowers his hand and shrugs his shoulders. he
pulls a bag of tobacco from one of his maximum homeless guy pockets and
proceeds to roll a cigarette>>
“Fine. I guess you don’t want to play my reindeer games. I saw a guy being drug, wait
dragged, no drug, wait. Truck it, whatever. This guy was hauled outta the this building
by a couple Cowmen a few minutes ago. They threw him in the back of a van they had
stashed here in the alleyway. I climbed into my convenience store here when I heard
them coming down the alley and hopped back out after they drove off.” <<Jaybee pats
the side of the dumpster as he says this,>> “I had hoped the monsters had made an
offering to the god of trash, but alas, no luck. Was that guy a friend of yours?”, says
“That was my last solider. The others just got eaten by the thing I took this ear from.”,
says Dasha. <<she strokes the soft fur on her rabbit ear>>
“Huh. Well, sorry to hear about your soldiers. Anything that I can do to help?”, Jaybee
<<Dasha thinks for a moment and decides that having a street savvy local
companion would be of benefit to her. she looks up the alley way and down the
alleyway. she shrugs her shoulders and says,>> “Know anywhere a girl could get a
drink around here?”
<<Jaybee smiles and offers Dasha his arm. Dasha links here arm through Jaybee’s
and the two walk down the alleyway together. the sun is shining. there are traffic
noises accompanied by the occasional scream and moo. Cowpocalypse or not,
humans still want stuff. so the stores that are not battle grounds are still selling
their stuff to the humans. these are stores that do not participate in the sale and
trade of dead cows. and as the days progress even the undead cows, or zombie
cows, discover that they want stuff too. before long you have living humans and
zombie humans and cowmans shopping side by side in big box department stores.
it is just another beautiful day in Oklahellmouth City.>>