Enter Anansi !!!
…or One Boss, Two boss…
”There were a lot of folks on that trail. Not everybody made it back to camp.”, says
Dasha solemnly. <<her velveteen rabbit ear flopped over he left eye, Dasha stares at
the destruction of her city with her uncovered right eye. a half hearted acceptance
of reality. in the daylight of the early morning, Star leads you, Dasha, Jaybee the
Homeless Ninja, and Tony the Meat Guy back down the road toward the town she
had just abandoned. the town she swore to protect, but now has rejected her>>
<<Star and Dasha and Finnegan exchange war stories:>>
Dasha – “Everybody died. I got a rabbit ear and made a new friend named Jaybee,
who is really good at killing and befriending monsters.”
you (Finnegan) – “I got drunk and threw up on the windshield and got my friend killed.
Oh yeah we found my husband’s empty laboratory and destroyed some rich guy’s meat
factory. Hopskotch and I slaughtered a bunch of zombie cows and zombie humans
before Hopskotch died. Yeah.”
Star – “Free Dave left our camp after his followers couldn’t decide on which Beagles
song was going to be our national anthem. ‘Take it easy’, I told Free Dave; he just
spit in my face. Fuck that guy. Fuck that song. Notnek was rumored to have
restarted the city council. Free Dave left us and headed there. My camp went from
bad to worse as Notnek seized control of the city power grid, the water treatment
plant. Everything else just followed along. I said fuck all that and headed to the
train station while there was still a public transit system option. I’m pretty certain
Normal Towne is headed the way of Nazi Germany. And Hitler wears a Hawaiian
<<you are newly reacquainted with your friends. Jaybee is newly reacquainted with
his town. Star is newly acquainted with Jaybee. Dasha is newly acquainted with a
rabbit ear. the four of you walk away from the train station and toward Ticky
“Place sure has gone to hell since I left town.”, says Jaybee the Homeless Ninja.
<<the sky is overcast from the smoke created by the buildings and cars on fire.
there is looting, there are people running through the streets. police are chasing
after a car full of kids who are throwing molotov cocktails out of their car windows.
both the cops’ car and the kids’ car are filled with both cow and human bodies>>
“Sadly, you won’t see much of that around here. That car full of kid and cow rabble
rousers is one of the last in town. Notnek has his new and improved military police out
enforcing Notnek law and order on the streets of Normal Towne.”, says Star.
<<Star slaps the palm of her hand with a metal baseball bat. she has welded two
circular blades from a garden tilling machine to her baseball bat. i would hate to
be inside of a human or cow body when that baseball bat hits it; chances are i will.
Jaybee stops to pick up a discarded cigarette that he has spied upon the ground>>
“Ahh ha!! But don’t this land still grow smokes? Eh?”, says the Homeless Ninja. <<with
“I’m glad you can still find pleasure during the Cowpocalypse bud. There has been so
much change sincere left, just days ago. Days I can’t remember and days I can’t forget. I
can’t believe they’ve started to rebuild with the Horde still attacking the surrounding
cities and towns…it’s like…”, begins Dasha.
“Let’s see if we can find an abandoned house for showers and supplies.”, you interrupt.
“It’s like we just stepped out of a time machine.”, finishes Dasha.
<<you and the Friends seek a home for cleaning up and replenishing supplies and
changing into less gore covered clothes. humans and cows and many versions in
between, can bee seen rebuilding the stores and restaurants that they themselves
had demolished in a frenzy to eat or not be eaten by each other. there are posters
of Notnek, the two headed mayor, on nearly every building. you scream at the
poster as soon as you see it>>
“That’s him!! That is the monster-Boss that killed Hopskotch!!”, you shout five times.
<<you start to exclaim wildly and jump up and down. you touch each of the Friends
on their respective shoulder. you act as if you are explaining it to each of them for
the first time and you have to scream it because they might not understand english
if it is not spoken at full volume. you finish speaking your thoughts in a
conspiratorial hushed urgency:>> “This isn’t Notnek; well, not like we know him. I
think that is a future version of our asshat boss. It’s more like he stepped out of a time
machine Dasha.”, you say.
<<this surprises Dasha, Jaybee and Tony. They have all heard Finnegan’s Tale: the
Death of Hopskotch; but Star who has not, is not.>>
“They call him ball sweat breath…”, Star says. <<she begins her tale in a sing song
voice>> “They called him Shit Kicker, they called him Poison Okie. Now he is known as
‘the Creator of Coincidences and Curiosities, the Purveyor of Peace. This is all according
to the evening news of course; which views like a car commercial. Notnek being the
advertised car.”, Star says.
“Well he was a used car salesman.”, Dasha says.
“I am surprised that he didn’t include his honorary title as ‘the Surveyor of YarrrS.”, you
“Uhmmm… What is Yarrrs?”, asks Tony the Meat Guy.
<<in his confusion, Tony shows his lack of a background in science friction
literature and breaks up the tension so often built up during a conversation about
one of the Friend’s employers>>
“Thanks Friend, make mine a vodka tonic!”, say Dasha, Star, you and Jaybee in strained
<<Tony the Meat Guy, while not a sci-fi nerd, knows when he is being put on by a
bunch of sci-fi nerds. Tony shakes his head and mutters under his breath about
some people’s children>>
“I see you’ve never drank at Callahan’s Place, eh mate?”, asks Jaybee. <<he puts a
reassuring hand on Ton’s shoulder. the two men smile and nod and exchange
human beginning friendship hand gestures>>
Star goes on, “The immediate rebuilding of the town isn’t as shocking as ‘The Notnek Life
Story’, a made for T.V. movie alreadyy airing on small screens. It plays ten times a day in
all public buildings across Normal Towne.”
<<Dasha interrupts Star and asks:>>, “Why does Notnek look like that? He was still
normal looking for a zombie human a few days ago. What’s with the two heads eight
<<the Friends all look at Dasha’s rabbit ear and wonder at her surprise at Notnek’s
“After you all left Normal Towne, things got interesting.”, says Star.
“Because the plain ol’ zombie apocalypse was getting boring?”, interjects Jaybee.
<<group laugh. a pause… you kids are cute. if that teen coming of age television
show had been set in the zombie apocalypse… oh they made that movie did they?>>
“Free Dave and I had organized the groups of people we had sent to settle and reclaim
the different parts of Normal Towne. You know, the Ticky Tacky University Campus, the
Campus Corner food and business district, Downtown Normal Towne and the homes of
the town itself.”, <<Star restarts her account>> “We never got very far in the town’s
homes. Ticky Tacky University was the closest we came to success. Notnek and his herd
had taken over City Hall and most of Downtown. It seems that when Notnek, NoThing
one, NoThing two and Curtis went to confront the original Horde members in the Battle
of the ‘Football ‘Merican’ Style!!! Stadium, that Notnek and one of the Horde leaders kind
of merged while we all were calming down the citizens on the other side of the wall.
Then Notnek and his new herd escaped the stadium in the trucks out back and promptly
set about planning the reorganization via takeover of Normal Towne. Notnek used a
combination of guerrilla warfare and political campaigning, and he had control of
Normal Towne by nightfall of the day you guys left town. Everyone works for Notnek
now, or you can leave town; by train or in a pine box.”, says Star.
“That sounds like the good old Boss I remember. Say, anyone down for some
Tumbleweed Stew before we go kill Notnek?”, you say.
<<the Friends look at each other in turn. no one wants to be the first to disagree or
follow along with your madness. until Jaybee volunteers:>> “I sure could go for a
bowl of soup on a day like this, with a side of murder of course.”
<<the Friends invade a dentist office waiting room and kick out the humans and
zombies that are seeking dental care. the Friends then go to working like house
elves; rearranging the lobby and turning it into a makeshift soup kitchen. after
setting up Jaybee’s Hobo Stove and brewing a large pot of tea; the Friends invite the
would-be patients back into the waiting room to share in some of the tea and
upcoming soup. the patients and dentist office staff are grateful for the lack of
blood shed. Jaybee gives the assembled audience a lesson on how to prepare and
cook: Green Chili Red Pepper Tumbleweed Stew:>> “Well hello my beautiful friends.
you all are looking very well and hungry. Soup is the best thing to eat before your trip to
the dentist. And as I am chopping up this Tumbleweed, this onion and these red bell
peppers, I have been informed by my lovely Dental assistant Jody, that we have a treat
for you. The office here has a brand new Ninchoppa brand vegetable blender. So the
soup will be creamy goodness for your soul. Now doesn’t that sound nice? Let’s add a
large tomato to the mix. Now we will sauté the blended vegetables and dice some garlic
and basil to simmer in there as well. Let’s salt and pepper to taste. I’d throw some salt
over my shoulder for luck, but I think we all need salt these days more than luck. Am I
right audience?”, says Jaybee.
<<the cows and humans and friends all applaud. Jaybee’s enthusiasm has brought
the room to its feet. everyone has soup bowls or cups of some sort. it was a day
that will live forever in the halls of dental history: the day of the Homeless Ninja’s
Dental Soup Kitchen.>>
“You know your buddy with the rabbit ear is still pretty hot even after her mutation. Or
whatever.”, Tony says.
<<the Friends and dentist office staff has paired off and everyone is mingling and
enjoying conversation with their soup. Tony has decided to try and make peace
with you after screaming at you and calling you names back at his truck.>>
“Yes, the zombie apocalypse has only added to Dasha’s stunning beauty.”, you say.
“Well, don’t go over board miss Finnegan; I still think you’re the prettiest crazy woman
in Normal Towne.”, Tony says.
<<Tony puts his soup bowl down and puts his arm on your leather jacket covered
shoulder. you put you soup cup down and cup Tony’s chin in you left hand. the
light from the Hobo Stove fire shines in your eyes>>
“Do you always call a girl crazy and tell her how attractive her friends are before you hit
on her Tony? Or am I just special?”, you ask.
<<you let go of Tony’s face and grab you bowl of soup and turn away. you walk past
Jaybee and slap him on his ass. Jaybee jumps and walks over to Tony. Tony is real
quiet. he seeks to warm his cold confused male brain with the light of the fire.
Jaybee senses his confusion>>
“Momma always said to watch out for girls who do stuff just to mess with yer head.”,
says Jaybee. <<he starts to breakdown and wash his mobile kitchen>>
“Does Momma know where a man can find woman who don’t do stuff to mess his
head?”, Tony the Meat Guy asks. <<throwing his hands up in exasperation>>
“Of course, she took all those nice women up to heaven with her.”, Jaybee says. <<a cook
with a smile, Jaybee offers advice and puts away the last of his kitchen>>
<<a tornado siren blares from the next street over>>
“That is how Notnek summons the towns folk to hear him speak live at City Hall”, Star
<<you walk to the front of the dentist office with a styrofoam cup of wine in your
hand. you raise your beverage and then your voice, to compete with the tornado
siren:>> “You all hear the Boss calling. Lets go tell him that we don’t see our asses
coming in to work today.”, you say.
<<the Friends stumble on over to City Hall field by wine, curiosity and ofcourse of
course the Tumbleweed Stew>>
You do make life sound a story. I like a good story.
<<heres a good story, how West ‘Merica’ got over run by the Tumbleweed. there was
once a group of human immigrants who were kicked out of the Eurasian country
they had moved to after the destruction of their mother land, another Eurasian
country. this was during the first world wars that have been remembered. West
‘Merica’ felt bad for helping in the destruction of these immigrants’ homelands.
West ‘Merica’ decided to make it better for the immigrants by giving them land here
in West ‘Merica’. unfortunately this land was currently occupied by Native West
‘Mericans’. these Native West ‘Mericans’, who called themselves “N.W.A.’s” for
some reason, were the original inhabitants of the continent of West ‘Merica’; before
the current peoples calling themselves West ‘Merican’s were here. so the ‘Merican’
government gives the displaced Eurasian immigrants some land here in the
Oklahellmouth. the N.W.A.’s mostly left the new West ‘Merican’s alone. the new
West ‘Mericans’ mostly left the N.W.A.’s alone. occasionally the two groups would
poke each other with sticks just to make sure that each side remembered that they
had differences that each should be suspicious and mad about. after the
immigrants had properly settled in with the other new West ‘Mericans’ they all set
about tearing up the top soil across the Oklahellmouth land. the new West
‘Mericans’ destroyed the land not for fun or for sustenance but just for profit. the
immigrants did not see this newly stolen land as home, but instead as a place to
extract resources for profit. these humans intended to use this land to raise the
capitol needed to buy back their homeland from the infidels who stole it from
them. because the universe loves irony, the displaced N.W.A.’s intended to do the
same thing to the new West ‘Merican’ immigrants. mother nature had other plans
for the humans and the land they fought over>>
<<the Earth’s wind moves strongly over the Oklahellmouth. coming in from the
coast, the breeze started to carry away the top soil loosened by the West ‘Merican’
cash crops. drought left the land dry and brittle and more and more top soil was
carried away. the wind would spin the bits of ground around and around in the sky
and thrown it back down at the humans. the humans struggled to breathe and the
land struggled to grow plants. with out proper plant covering more land was
carried away by the invisible wind force. with out plants to eat, the animals that
humans wanted to eat died. the humans underwent hard times>>
<<the flat lands in the areas surrounding Oklahellmouth City were hit the hardest
by the drought and the airborne dirt that became known as the Dust Bowl. the only
plants strong enough to survive the harsh winds and subsequent droughts long
enough to grow were the tumble weed plants. these plant came to West ‘Merica’ as
stow aways; tucked away in the folds and crevices of the immigrants’ blankets and
other fabric belongings such as extra clothing. the plant life of the homeland of
these people hitched a ride and started new life here in West ‘Merica’. the new
West ‘Mericans’ who did not run away from the Oklahellmouth or die from
breathing dirt or starvation were forced to learn how to eat the unappetizing
tumbleweeds that blew across the land day in and day out. it became their main
food source. kind of like humans are my main food source. the dust storms killed
not only in the central Oklahellmouth, but brought the dirt all the way to the
coastal cities of the nation. ground regularly rained from the sky. death from
above. times got so tough that the West ‘Merican’ Government had to step up and
impose a massive regrowth campaign to plant trees and grassland back in the
Oklahellmouth. the illuminati saved the humans of West ‘Merica’ for the time
being. but the way i see it Finnegan, the Tumbleweed shall inherit whatever is left
on this earth after i consume all that i can. the end>>
What a lovely story…
<<thank you Finnegan, it is my favorite bed time story>>
Really? That’s great. I feel like we’ve really bonded.
<<oh we have bonded Finnegan>>
I hate you. Get back to my story Virus.
<<laughter. ok, moo-ving on. your group of five, the Friends, travels toward City
Hall. you become ten humans, and then twenty. there are dozens of Normal
Townesfolk and Cowfolk that emerge from various hidey holes scattered
throughout Normal Towne. you near City hall and see Notnek at a podium in front
of the classical style building. white stone imitating Greco-Roman architecture,
blah blah. humans are special and creative building builders. good for you all. i do
not care for buildings. i lie exploring bodies. you turn to Dasha and Star and say:>>
“Is Notnek wearing make up? He sure looks like he had some plastic surgery done since
<<you think that Notnek/Zombie Cow looks younger than he did when he kicked
your ass and killed Hopskotch back at the Red Barn. it is hard to hear your own
thoughts right now; much less the words of response Dasha and Star offer. there
are currently so many people talking on the crowd that is growing in front of
Normal Towne City Hall. those of you who share the blood or cells of the Horde are
also constantly being pulled (mentally) into different thought conversations. when
i feel the confusion is just too much for me too stand, Notnek’s words erupt from
several speakers surrounding the podium. Notnek’s noise overpowers the rest of