51 Back to the Past

Back to the Past


<<back in the past, or is it the present>>


Who is the Who, Who?  When is when when?  Did we leave the Euro peein Union?


<<what the hell are you mumbling about Finnegan?  are you drunk again?  you and Hopskotch Sunday are on your way from Normal Towne to McCow Towne.  you are headed to the McCow Towne Meat Packing Company, owned and operated by failed ‘Merican’ presidential candidate Tronald Dump.  this is where the meat that Ricki Torch sold to the Bucket o’ Blood came from.  you and Hopskotch also intend to visit the hospital where Ruben worked.  oddly enough they are located within five miles of eachother…  you drive your newly stolen car off of the Oklahellmouth Vehicle En-Transit Train Car (or O.V.E.N.-T.T.C. as it is A.K.A.B.S.A.A.)  in search of answers as to why Normal Towne was over run by Zombie Cows>>


<<you find your way to the McCow Towne General Hospital and park near the Medi-Vac Helicopter Pad.  the helicopter is used as an ambulance to serve the isolated individuals who are scattered between the hundreds of miles between the West ‘Merican’s major cities, Oklahellmouth City and McCow Town.  it is the short walk that leads from the parking lot to the hospital’s entrance where you brain storm your story to gain entrance to you estranged husband’s laboratory.  you and Hopskotch manage your way into Ruben’s Laboratory by playing the concerned wife card.  a classic ruse.  some of the staff were hesitant to let you and your dark skinned companion into the Laboratory; their minds controlled by classical racism.  but Hopskotch Sunday assured the staff that he was the acceptable token black guy, and even convinced them that he is a relative of some sort of Ruben’s.  you and Hopskotch also manage to get lost in the corridors of the interior of the hospital, but then you find your way by following a plaid shirt wearing janitor pushing a mop bucket through the hospital maze.  you and Hopskotch Sunday suddenly find yourselves alone as the spirit of the Janitor vanishes through the door of the laboratory of one Doctor L’Argent du Sang>>   


<<when you manage to get into the Laboratory, (wow Finnegan, Free-Dave was correct, you do have upper management written all over you), you notice that just about everything has been cleared out.  the only things left to make this human building shell look like a high tech fancy pants Laboratory is a box of test tubes, a broken centrifuge, some paperwork and a Swell laptop computer from the late 20th century.  the computer comes complete with a scraggly looking intern hunched over it, typing away on his “I need a new job” resume. he looks up and says,>>  “Can I help you?” <<in a tone of voice that clearly indicates that he is not very interested in doing so>>


<<the Intern has shaggy black hair, thick reading glasses and some sort of  death metal t-shirt obscured by his lab coat.  you think the band had some connection to Genesis P-Orridge.  you introduce your self,>>


“Hello.  My name is Finnegan L’Argent du Sang.  This is my buddy Hopskotch Sunday.”, you say.


“Howdy partner!”, says Hopskotch Sunday.


“Pleased to meet you.  I’m Timmy…the underpaid intern.”, says the Intern.


“Likewise.  We are here to find out what my missing husband was working on before he…went missing.”, you say.


<<the Intern, Timmy, tells you this bit about gene research that he thinks Ruben was doing, but that he isn’t certain that that was what was going on.  Timmy also tell you and Hopskotch that,>>


“Doctor L’Argent du Sang’s father was funding this project.  But that guy wouldn’t give us any money to cover any other expenses, like my pay, so Doctor L’Argent du Sang had to outsource his mind power to the McCow Towne Correctional Facility and to the breeders over at the Meat Packing Facility Farms.  I can’t imagine what kinda shit he was doing at those places, but I imagine PETA would hate him.  Probably the NRA too.  And the right to lifer’s.  But those people hate everyone in the name of freedom, right?”, rambles Timmy.


<<your eyes bounce back and forth, as does Timmy as he talks excitedly to you and Hopskotch.  it seems Timmy the underpaid intern is lonely here in the remains of the Laboratory of Doctor L’Argent du Sang.>>


“I am sorry your husband is MIA, I didn’t have a lot of contact with him.  He seemed like an intelligent man.  He was always polite.  He was even nice to those two ogres who came to take him away…”, says Timmy the underpaid intern.


<<Hopskotch watches your face go through a series of complex emotions, all related to rage and fear.  watching your mute hysteria threaten to become audible, Timmy the underpaid intern rushes through an explanation of the last time he saw the Doctor in the building.  you nod and Hopskotch thanks Timmy.  you two heroes turn to exit the lab>>


“Hey, I was gonna sell this on eBay if I didn’t get my last paycheck, but you can have it if you want.”, says Timmy the underpaid intern.


<<Timmy has followed you to the laboratory door and hands you Ruben’s lab coat.  his hospital identification card is still clipped to the lapel>>


“Thanks bud.”, you say.


<<Hopskotch watches as the hope flickers out of your eyes like the lights in a slum lord’s apartment complex>>


Not that you’re wrong Virus, but how many slum lords have you encountered?


<<just one.  and among the many buildings he owns is the property that you and Hopskotch Sunday are heading to next>>


Similes and segues, are you a Tom Robbins fan?


<<who is not?>>

Tronald Dump, I hear he hates to read…




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