41 The Cows

“<<hello world>>“

– every would-be hacker,



The Cows


<<Curtis lays his cow head on his penguin pillow and chews his bedtime snack for

the second time.  he looks up at the vent hood and asks his mother, Krang, for a

drink of warm milk and blood>>


“My udders hurt son.”, says Krang.  <<with a slow, off pitch whine>>

“I’m not much more formed than you.”, she continues.


<<Krang and Curtis were born a couple days ago at the Dick Monald’s fast food joint

near the highway, across the parking lot from Block N’ Calls Sporting-Goods Store.  

Curtis needed help freeing himself from a couple human children’s lower intestines

in the Dick Monald’s Play Room.  Krang decided that it/she was the mom because

she put herself together in the walk-in cooler and came out to find Curtis coming

out of the customers’ bellies>>


“It was the cutest thing ever to watch you be born from the wombs of children”, Krang

says.  <<more often than Curtis likes to hear>>


<<the two zombie cows have stayed in the restaurant even though they hear the call

of the Horde.  they know they are supposed to exit the building and scavenge the

town to create more “cows” and human slaves.  Krang and Curtis also know that

they are supposed to lead their group of slaves and cows to the big Football

‘Merican’ Style!!! Stadium for the ascension; but Curtis and Krang do not care to go

just yet.  the two zombie cows, each being several parts of several regular cows,

really enjoy being alive and coherent again.  the have more and different thoughts

about life and death and their place in-between since being reborn.  when Krang

and Curtis were regular cows, out in the field eating grass the did not have as many

thoughts that could be labeled self reflective.  now that Krang and Curtis are

zombie cows, here in the fast food restaurant eating human flesh, they have so

many interesting thoughts.  Curtis and Krang think not only about themselves; but

the world around them and their place in it.  the two zombie cows think about life

and death and the meaning of it all.  Baby Curtis and Mama Krang care about the

state of the world, and more importantly, the state of themselves.>>


<<while their bodies became what they would become, Curtis and Krang decided to

become mother and son…a family.  they named each other from pieces of plastic

that they found on the humans they consumed for food and body parts.  they got

their first pair of “human holding stuff hands” from an elderly couple who were

standing in-front of the Dick Monald’s hamburger ordering counter.  Krang and

Curtis started trying to walk upright on their hind legs like the humans do.  after

they built up the bodies that they desired, Krang decided that they should move all

the human left overs into the walk-in cooler.  this way, as the hours passed, more

humans would come into the restaurant looking for food and then become food

themselves.  this worked well, because the humans are slow and stupid animals,

Krang said to Curtis as they munched on the leg of a fluffy guy with a beard>>


“They aren’t very good at sensing danger when they are looking for food.  So they will

probably keep coming in here, and we can keep eating them.  That is, until we decide we

are ready to join the rest of the Horde at the stadium.” Orang says.


“You’d think the humans would have some sort of “Common Sense” that would warn

them of danger”, says Curtis.


“Son, don’t be simple.  You know there is no such thing as common sense.”, replies Krang.


“But look at all the cars sitting in the drive thru and in the parking lot.  Some are empty

and have been running for hours.  Shouldn’t that be a clear sign of something wrong

here?”, says Curtis.


“There you go trying to be logical and use reason.  The humans don’t think like that.

They see a bunch of cars at a fast food restaurant and they think that the place must have

something that they need really bad.  I bet some of the fools who came in here today

weren’t even hungry, just following the herd.”, says Krang.


“Mother, should we trust the Horde?”, Curtis then asks.  


“What makes you ask that little one?”, replies Krang.  <<talking while snapping a would be customer’s neck>>


<<Imbeciles?  Is that Spanish for human or something?>>


“Well, I just mean, we both feel the call…the impulse to join the others out in town.  Yet

we have just been staying here at the restaurant since we were born.”, says Curtis.


<<Curtis is in the lobby of the Dick Monald’s, changing the channels on the

flatscreen television.  he pauses to watch a fast food video advertisement depicting

a couple happy ‘Merican’ men sitting in a car waiting for a car hop to bring them

hamburgers and cups of ice cream drinks.  the men talk at eachother and attempt

to make clever and humorous conversation about buying inexpensive, highly

processed food.  Curtis yawns in the middle of the balding blonde man’s hamburger

joke and changes the television channel to see a group of human women sitting

around a table drinking coffee.  the female humans are talking about the world and

their place in it.  Curtis finds this funny.  Curtis likes to watch humans talk.  he is

constantly trying to imitate their mannerisms>>


“We are the Horde son.  We are the new care takers of this broken world.  I believe in

this.  But our fellow cows are just being born, as we were, and they are just learning

about life, about this city…just like we are.  A lot of them are running right out into the

streets and killing any human they see.  Many cows are making human slaves.  There are

more of us coming into existence every hour.  Some are even returning into the fields

and turning our ancestors into something like us.”, says Krang.


<<Krang is now dismembering the warm corpse and separating it into manageable

size portions for storage in the walk-in cooler.  Krang has also taken to undressing

the humans and trying on and altering their clothes.  she is amused by the human

habit of wearing brightly colored garments with words and pictures emblazoned

upon them.  Curtis rises on his hind legs during his mother’s speech, in excitement

and proclaims,>>


“Yes!  We must join the ranks mother!  Let us take to the streets and bring down the

human scum that has enslaved and massacred our ancestors.  Let us be the rain that

washes the filth of these lands!  Let us go know!”, Curtis says.


“Yes son, we will go.  But we will be wise about it, and we will wait.  You see son, a lot of

us are out there dying.  The humans are resisting.  Some of them are harder to kill than

others.  Let us stay here and learn and grow for another day or two.  Let us learn, gain

skills and find the extent of our abilities.”, Krang says.  <<gesturing to Curtis with her

human hands and waving her human arms>>


<<the two zombie cows previously attached a human arm and hand on each side of

each of their bodies.  Krang and Curtis now use the human appendages much of the

time.  their upper cow limbs still have the elderly human couples’ human hands

attached right behind the their cow hooves.  these first adventures into human

hands and opposable thumbs have been awkward to use for Krang and Curtis since

the beginning.  they mainly hang at the zombie cows’ sides now; occasionally

holding food, drink, stuffed penguin pillow or other random human victim artifact.  

Krang tried to work a cellular phone with her human hands on the second day of

her new life; but it frustrated her and she abandoned it.  Curtis discovered it days

later and immediately took to the cell phone.  he has since been learning the art of

the “prank call” and is becoming quite proficient>>


“Okay mother.  That is what the humans call strategy isn’t it?  Letting the weak minded

do the work for you?  Look what I have managed to get my front hooves to do!!  Skill!  

Skill!  Ability!!”, says Curtis.  


<<he is almost screaming these last words.  the excitement of youth can be

contagious.  Curtis is showing his mother Krang how he can manipulate the hooves

on his upper body.  the two zombie cows walk around upright on their hind legs

almost exclusively now.  Curtis uses his rightside hoof to pick up and crush a salt

shaker, like a scorpion uses it’s pincher to grab prey.  Krang squeals with delight

like only a proud mother can and claps with her human hands.  the joy on the cows

faces only increases when the bell on the front door of the restaurant rings,

sounding that another customer has come for dinner>>


&&&Krang and curtis image&&


A lecture on the first restaurants by reverend duff to Finnegan

the first restaurant was a place for healing and mainly served soup.  much like the

bucket of blood.


&&duff and finnegan sitting at the bar reading the newspaper holding a mop bucket and

leather jacket&&



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