Recap of the Battle at the Football ‘Merican’ Style!!! Stadium
(According to Free Dave)
The night was dark. The air was thick with heat and the murmurs of Normal Towne
citizens as they waited in line for admittance to the Football ‘Merican’ Style!!! Stadium.
The hum of the peoples’ voices sounded like that of an old auto engine, completed by a
steady pop from the tail pipe when exhaust spews out. In this case that popping sound
was coming from aliens…I mean humans being murdered on the kill floor of the
stadium. None of the cops running the show paid any attention to the frequent loud
noises, and so the crowd accepted them as-swell. It was a new version of the oldest con
in the book, Relax and Let it Happen. The humans thought it was safety be there because
they wanted it to be safe to be there. Star replaced their belief system. When all the
screens started displaying the horror show business that was going on behind the
partition inside of the stadium, the humans rioted. The police stared blankly as the
citizens of Normal Towne ran amuck. The folks inside fought to get back out of the front
doors, but to no avail; while those humans on the outside tried to either run away or
break into the stadium to retrieve loved ones. Notnek bravely led his small army
through the fleeing Normailiens and around toward the back of the stadium. The
Fearsome Five (that’s my nickname for our group, you dig?) were ordered to fight our
way from the rear of the stadium forward, past the meat trucks being loaded with
human bodies and/or body parts. The cows held the perimeter surrounding the trucks
and slaughtered anyone/thing fleeing from the back of the stadium. Hopskotch and I
finished fighting through the Horde’s minions at the trucks first and then started fighting
against the goons guarding the door. Hopskotch and I made a great team. Although I did
have to save him a whole bunch. He’s my little buddy, gotta take care o’him. Star and
Dasha pulled the drivers out of the trucks and killed them with the sharp ends of their
sword and ax. Chicks with big metal blades are hot. Finnegan went to the gas tanks of a
couple meat trucks and stuffed in some rags she had made from the clothing of the
Horde zombie humans she killed.
As I and Hopskotch (or rather Hopskotch and Me) indicated that we had finished off the
door guards; Finnegan hollered to Notnek, Some Thing 1 & Some Thing 2 and Cow-boy
Curtis to meet us at the back of the building. Finnegan, Star and Dasha lit the gas tank
rags and followed the Free Dave/Hop-a-long team into the melee inside of the Football
‘Merican’ Style!!! Stadium. Notnek bellowed words of rage and charged at the First
Brood of the Horde (I made that name up) who weren’t yet savvy to the lunch food riot
on the other side of their cafeteria wall. The Fearsome Five, we hung back and guarded
the doors by Finnegan’s order (I dig tuff women), letting the zombie cows battle amongst
themselves. They were fighting for ultimate Normal Towne supremacy.
Cow-boy Curtis cleared the way to the doors of the partition. Finnegan lead her four
friends around the Cow Battle Royale and through the doors that lead to the humans
rioting on the other side. By the time Notnek and company realized that we, his human
slaves (we weren’t the zombie variety..mostly) had flown the proverbial coup, the meat
trucks that the ladies had set a blaze exploded behind him.
From what I learned later, Notnek joined forces with the surviving Horde and eventually,
the illuminati. While the monsters escaped the madness they created through the back
door; the rest of the Fearless Five and I brought order to the stadium and walked out the
front door. Now I’m gonna tell you the truth; It was mostly me, but Finnegan did play
her part in bringing the town together. As we pushed through the doors our bodies met
the swarm of humans trying to break out of the stadium or through the partition walls
that the five of us had just stepped through. Some of the town folks clung to the walls of
the stadium. I guess they were trying to climb out off of the football field. They built
human ladders. Mostly everyone was just failing at life and running around all crazy,
hurting themselves and each other. It reminded me of an awful Beagles concert that I
went to once. You know I really don’t like the Beagles music all that much. Well anyway,
I realized that we were in just as much danger on this side of the wall. So I told Finnegan
to have Star hack back into the stadium speaker system with her cell phone and deliver a
speech to the maniacal masses.
Finnegan said, “Hello, and welcome to the apocalypse. As you can see, it is televised,
unlike the revolution.” She delivered the speech real well, just like I would have done.
Star aimed one of the stadium cameras at her friend’s face. Finnegan continued, “As you
may have noticed over the past couple of days, there are monsters that enjoy eating
people and they have moved into our town. So please shut the front door, literally, and
try and calm the truck down…y’all.”
Finnegan paused to let the “Y’all” effect overcome her fellow ‘Merican’s fear. And it did.
Certain words spoken in the correct order at the right time work like magic on the minds
of ‘Merican’s. Just look at the power of the insurance industry. After Finnegan dropped
the “Y’all”, much of the crowd stopped their rampage, and the handful of forks who still
stirred were hushed by the ones who followed the lead of our fearless leader on the
screen. The humans who were fleeing the stadium outside its’ wall heard Finnegan’s
plea for calm and many had turned back toward the stadium. They watched the outside
television screens with trepidation. She gestured with her raised hands as she started to
speak again, “Now there are bad things out there that want to cause us harm, but
running around screaming in terror isn’t going to help or change that fact. First things
first. We need to get the front doors of the stadium under our control and make sure
that we are the ones who have arms and not the Cows or their meat puppet police.
Question authority and take control of those doors and weapons now.”
I led Finnegan and Star and Hopskotch and Dasha along with the rest of the crowd in the
removal of the cow human police slaves from control of the doors. After that we
collected what weapons were laying around and searched the stadium for Horde
members of any sort. There were a couple cows hiding in the concession stand trying to
recruit the hot dogs, but Notnek and the other Horde cows were nowhere to be seen. I
knew that I had put the fear of Dave in them.
<<end Free-Dave monologue. i just love hearing that kid talk, do not you? but
enough of his version of the story, let us listen to me again, eh Finnegan. eh? i want
to talk about when you and Hopskotch, Dasha and Star were away from the crowds
(to which Free-Dave was happily retelling the tale of ‘the boy who got a new hand’.)
you motioned for them to follow you to a nearby truck that has not yet been fire
“Let’s figure out our next move without the influence of the masses. We need to…”, you
start to lead and then stop abruptly.
<<walking, the four of you near the front of the parking garage, you see a man
pushing a mop bucket up a block away from you. he is singing a song as he slowly
walks, “Oh Sodomy and Fellatio. How far you rise up, depends on how low down
you go. We are the walking wounded, soon to be the forgotten dead. So evident in
our supersize suicide bread. We take pride in our Gluttony, holier than a
creationist. We eat and drink to fill and kill our bellies and our pain, more
suffering more spirits again. More more more we are the penetrator whore. Oh
Sodomy and Fellatio, how far in this world you get depends on how far along you
will go. How far you rise up depends on how low down you go.”>>
<<Free-Dave walks back to you and the Friends and nods at Duff as he passes by.
Finnegan, you, watch the man who you know to be Rev. Duff sing and shuffle along
with his mop bucket. Duff turns to you before he turns the corner. he smiles, tips
his hat and then he’s gone. you smile to yourself and wave to the empty street. you
turn back toward the Friends and start to continue your walk back to the rear of
the parking garage, but you notice that Hopskotch, Star and Dasha are all staring at
you with gaping mouths>>
“What?”, you ask.
“Did you see? D-Duff!?”, says a confused Hopskotch.
“With his head back on!”, adds Free Dave.
“Yeah…what the hell was that song?”, asks Dasha.
<<you buddy Dasha is obviously creeped out>>
“where’d he go?”, asks Star.
“How come I haven’t seen Duff since he died?”, asks Free Dave.
“You guys saw him too?!”, you say.
<<Finnegan, you are excited and joyous and confused all at the same time. an you
are also amazed that Free-Dave hasn’t died in the middle of the night from
forgetting to breathe>>
“I have been seeing him all over the place ever since I found his head in the mop bucket
back at the Bucket o’ Blood a couple days back.”, you admit again.
“We all just thought you were crazy.”, says Dasha.
“Or drunk…”, Hopskotch and Star say at the same time.
<<you nod your head and shrug at the truth of it all. after a minute of confused
chatter i don’t care to recount, you and the four Friends walk back to the place
where you left your stolen brown package truck. it is gone of-course ofcourse. with
the current source of transportation gone and supplies down to what the five of you
carry in your hands; Dasha, Star, Free-Dave, Hopskotch Sunday and you all walk
back to the confused group of Normal Townies. those schlups are still gathered
back at the stadium, staring at the now blackk television screens. they are looking
for a message from god…or a drunken kitchen manager>>
“Hey guys! Come meet all of my new friends!”, says Free Dave.
<<he speaks excitedly as you all near the meandering Normalites. Free-Dave has
gathered a group of around fifty like minded human men and women. he shows
you how he and they are working on learning to sing his favorite Beagles song in
spanish. in addition to Free-Dave’s groupies, there are a couple groups of twenty to
thirty that are huddled together nearby. many of the Normaliens have left the
stadium to see what remains of their old lives, still hoping they might have a pre-
cowpocalypse life to go back to. Finnegan, some of the crowd recognizes you as the
one who led them out of the stadium.people start to crowd around you and ask you
lots of questions. some you have answers to , some you do not, some pertain to the
color of your underwear. i do not understand why you refuse to answer that one
Finnegan, it seems like an easy one>>
You say to those assembled, “Ok. Ok. Enough of the question and answer session. The
world is now what we make of it more than ever before. After I raid the nearest liquor
store, we need to form at least three groups. One will be tasked to organize a resistance
here in Normal Towne, a base of operations. Their job will be to drive out or destroy
whatever is left of this heard of monster cows. Another group will travel northwest to
Oklahellmouth City. As you are all aware, all electronic communication has been cut off
in Normal Towne. We need to know if the same thing has happened in OKHMC and to
warn them if not. Lastly, I want to lead a small group, perhaps just one or two
individuals to explore McCow Town. I have information this is the place where the
zombies originated from. I want to find out if this is truly where the monsters came or
come from and who is responsible.”
Listen to the Wind Howl,
it’s a Norther on the way…
and still a Mister Winter’s night, they say,
When the Wind is in the Basketball Player Trees,
When the moon is a ghastly gallon of grease,
tossed and splattered upon the blimey sea.
When the Road ia a white striped ribbon,
of black moonlight, draped over the Earth’s purple vein.
The Highwayman comes,
a riding, riding, his lover comes,
ignores the Highwayman’s pain.