43 I know what happened after your shift ended yesterday


<<i throw in that memory of your mentor Duff educating you on restaurant history

as i try to pry the events of what happened after your shift ended yesterday at the

Bucket o’ Blood.  you and Hopskotch left the parking lot and headed to see Star and

Dasha whilst smoking a large marijuana cigarette.  our mind disconnected after

that.  i think i was with you…or perhaps i was distracted.  i do know you drank, alot.  

a lot alot.  but i do not need to be part of you to know you drank heavily yesterday



Oh yeah?  Why’s that Virus?


&&finnegan wasted image Virus annoyed&&


<<nevermind.  i will relate your life before the awakening if it resurfaces.  or feel

free to share it yourself, should you happen to remember some of your life bud.  

but i do know what happens to you when you become cognizant at work the next



<<Finnegan and Hopskotch seek cover behind the bar of the Bucket o’ Blood.  the

little hamburger monsters scurry around the restaurant, grabbing bits of customer

and make themselves into one big Zombie Cow.  Free Dave crawls out of the kitchen

using his remaining intact arm.  when he arrives next to Hopskotch Sunday, Free

Dave stops crawling and maneuvers himself into a sitting up position.  Free Dave

interrupts you and Hopskotch’s discussion and asks,>>


Hey, do you guys think Theta was right?”, says Free Dave.


<<you and Hopskotch look at each-other and then at Free-Dave’s face quizzically>>


“You know, about standing in front of that microwave all day giving us brain damage?  

Maybe I’m imagining all of this.  Maybe the microwave zapped all our brains and we’re

all just imagining this?”, says Free Dave.


<<you and Hopskotch look at each-other knowingly and both prepare to tell Free

Dave just how foolish he is being and that perhaps this is not the best time to

discuss his sanity.  memories of Theta humpback into the foreground of your

human mind.  i bet they do in Hopskotch’s a-swell.  i like to imagine a little movie

theater inside you and your buddy’s heads playing a film about the Waitress, Theta.  

in this film she walks into the kitchen from the dining room and tells you that you

are going to get brain cancer from standing in-front of the microwave all day while

it is cooking the customers food.  after that series of flashbacks you and Hopskotch

turn to see Free-Dave crawling away from behind the bar.  you decide that your co-

worker-friend has lost his mind along with his favorite hand.  Hopskotch seems to

be on the same thought train, because he says,>>


“Well that’s the last we ever saw of ol’ Free Dave…”, says Hopskotch.


<<but faster than you can think of a pop culture reference, Free-Dave comes

scurrying back behind the bar pulling himself with his second favorite hand and

carrying a pack of cigarettes in his mouth>>


“He crawls pretty quickly for one armed man.”, you say.


<<Free-Dave gets back behind the bar and spit out the pack of cigarettes and pulls a

lighter out of his pants pocket.  one muscular arm pulls it’s hand up, bringing a

cigarette into the mouth attached to the neck attached to the shoulders attached to

the arm attached to the hand.  Free-Dave smokes.  Free-Dave looks like every action

movie hero, ever.  cigarette sales will go way up if this guy survives the apocalypse.  

Free-Dave turns to offer his co-workers a cigarette.  you and Hopskotch resist the

pull of the cancer industry and decline>>


“I saw one of the customers clutching these, or at least what was left of him was.”, says

Free Dave.


<<you grimace and Hopskotch laughs>>  


“Ok, suit yourselves.  But Junior?  Hop-a-long.  I want you to know.  That if that

microwave there didn’t melt out brains, than this is going to be my last cigarette break.  

That monster out there just finished the last person left in the dining room.  I’m pretty

sure the Waitress and the Boss and the Bartender are all dead.  That’s right.  We’re gonna

hafta pour our own drinks from here on out.”, says Free Dave.


<<you and Hopskotch rise up from behind the bar to see the ten foot tall Zombie

Cow,the one that was previously throwing chairs and stalking humans from the

smoking section to the restrooms, looking for more food.  Hopskotch pulls a tequila

bottle from below the bar and asks Free-Dave for his lighter.  you follow

Hopskotch’s lead and grab your own bottle of booze.  Hopskotch tears a strip of

cloth of of the Bartender’s glass cleaning rags.  you are taking a swig from your

liquor bottle when Hopskotch hands you the rag for your molotov cocktail.  Free-

Dave watches you and Hopskotch work while he smokes his borrowed cigarette.  

this makes it seem like a regular day.  you hand your first DIY grenade to the lazy

cook and make three more>>


“Graaaaaawwwwwarrrrrr!!!!!!”, says the ten foot tall zombie cow.


<<the Cook, the Dishwasher and the Free-Dave throw the moltov cocktails at the

Beast in turn.  you and your two co-worker-friends run from the blast and the flame

and through the kitchen and out of the Bucket o’ Blood>>


“That was fun.”, you say.


“Yeah.  The only thing missing was a couple beautiful women.  Hey let’s call Star and

Dasha”, says Hopskotch.


“I hate you guys.  Sorry Junior.”, says Free Dave.


“The friends aren’t answering their phone.  They are supposed to be at the Howdy

Partner.”, you say.


“Well we’d better go there for drinks…”, says Hopskotch.


“Drinks sound good.”, Free Dave says.


<<the three surviving employees arrive at the Howdy Partner within twenty

minutes of their escape from the Bucket o’ Blood.  the Cook, the Dishwasher and the

Free-Dave find their friends Dasha and Star beating on the glass and metal front

door of the Howdy Partner.  the Waitresses are yelling for their employer to let

them back into the restaurant>>


“Howdy Partner!”, yells Dasha.


“Howdy Partner!”, yells Star.


<<the owner of the Howdy Partner insists that all Waitresses and Cooks yell the

restaurant’s name whenever someone opens the front door of the Gay Cowboy

themed Pizzaria>>


“Howdy Partner!!”, yell Star and Dasha in unison.

“Asshole!!”, says Dasha.


<<seeing you and Hopskotch walk up to the restaurant Star turns to you and says,>>


“We were just getting ready the restaurant ready to open when our asshole boss asked us

to step outside for a few minutes.”, says Star.


<<Dasha continues,>>  “Yeah, it turns out our meat delivery guy was an hour late

bringing in the new meat order.  The boss wanted to rip him a new asshole.”


“So Boss says to wait out front and to tell any would-be customers that we will be

opening momentarily.”, finishes Dasha.


“So you guys just be chillin’?”, asks Hopskotch.


“for an hour and a half.  Boss locked the doors and we can’t move ten feet from the door

without some confused group of teachers or college kids coming and pulling at the

locked doors in disbelief.  And we left our cellphones behind the counter so we can’t

message anyone.”, says Dasha.


“Have you forgotten how to find and use a payphone?”, Hopskotch asks.


“We don’t know anyone’s number.  They’re all stored in our cellphones.”, Star says.  <<as

if this should be obvious>>


Without our technology, we are all helpless!!”, you say.  <<with enough stoic rage that

any member of the Nation Rifle Association would be proud>>


<<you motion for Dasha, Star and Hopskotch to follow you to the back of the

building.  Free-Dave offers to keep watch at the front door>>


I’ll stand guard against the encroaching customers or an escaping boss guys!”, says Free



<<Free-Dave salutes the four of you with his stub of a left arm before watching the

street as you all walk around to the back of the restaurant.  the scene outback is

horrific.  brutal is not even a strong enough to describe what was done to the Boss

of the Howdy Partner.  the Four Friends flee the back of the H.P.  you lead the

exodus.  the four of you herd to the front of the building to include Free-Dave in

your evacuation.  when the four fast friends return to the front door, there is no

Free-Dave to be seen.  the front door of the Howdy Partner is still locked.  fearing

that Free Dave might have wandered back to get eaten by the angry monster that

you, Hopskotch and he left behind at the Bucket o’ Blood, you lead Hopskotch and

Dasha and Star in that direction>>


<<the Four Friends have traveled no further than 5 feet from the front door of the

Howdy Partner, when a man in a Ticky Tacky University polo shirt walks up, tries

the front door and asks the Friends,>>  “Hey is this place open?”

<<all four furious food workers turn and yell,>>


No!”, says Dasha.


“No!”, says Star.  


“No”, you say.


“Try the grilled god.  It’s fabulous.”, says Hopskotch.


<<Dasha, Star and Hopskotch Sunday, follow you down Sodowemi street towards

the famous Normal Towne restaurant and club known as the Bucket o’ Blood.  as the

Fearful Four reach the half block stretch that gives full view of the B.o.B.  Also

Known By Some Assholes As the Bucket o’ Blood.  Finnegan, you stop and turn away

from the restaurant and yell something that sounds like “Truck King Fit”, but your

friends are unable to make out what you say.  Dasha and Star and Hopskotch

Sunday are busy being thrown to the ground by the explosion of the Bucket o’



“mmmmwwwwwaaaaammmmwwwwwaaaaawwwmmm”, you and Dasha and Star and

Hopskotch say.


<<you and your friends as screaming inaudible words that no-one can understand…

if you are wondering what is happening.  After a couple of seconds of screaming on

the ground, the Four Friends climb to your collective feet and run towards the

B.o.B. to watch the building fall in on itself.  there is also the sight of Free-Dave

running down the alley behind the former restaurant.  the Friends track down Free-

Dave; oddly enough at a bar.  he is recounting how he lost and regained his hand at

the Bucket o’ Blood>>


“I was being made to wait out front of the Howdy Partner Pizza Joint.  I got bored of

telling squishy customers to piss off and why I only had one hand.  So I wandered

around to the opposite side of the building, where my team was investigating.  To

properly survey the scene, I took the opposite route to the back of the building than they

did.  I got there just intake to see them running scared away from the back door of the

Howdy Partner.”, says Free Dave.


<<Free-Dave is speaking to Billy the Bartender of the Belly Bar>>


“I was pretty tired of leading that group of losers and thought that I needed to go out on

my own for a while.  Hey Billy, pour me another Dead Cup.  As I was sayin’, I left the back

alley by the Howdy Partner and was attacked by another Hamburger Monster!  This

mutha fucker had also stolen some feller’s hand.  I large black guy’s apparently.”, says

Free Dave.


<<Free-Dave waves his new black-skinned left hand and uses it to pick up the new  

beer that the disinterested bartender sits before him>>


“Seeing this stolen hand enraged me.  That damned monster then jumped up on me and

was gnawing on my shoulder, like I was Zombie brand beef jerky.  I pulled the monster

off of my shoulder and threw the teeth bastard to the ground.  For some reason I decided

to stab the monster thru the top of its head with the bone of my stump arm.  My bandage

was loosened during my struggle wo get the beast off of my shoulder.  My arm bone

pierced the Zombie Burger’s soft head flesh.  It screamed and writhed and then went

limp.  But the hand that was being used by the creature as foot and leg started to connect

with my stump!  I tell you one minute later I walked out of that alley like a badass.  A

badass with two hands.  A new hand!  I found that I could soon control the fingers and

the hand and even the wrist.  I then tore at the hamburger monster body surrounding

the wrist.  It didn’t go well.  As fast as I could tear and pull at the monster’s flesh, the

damn thing crawled back and refastened itself.  I needed a knife to cut the Zombie off of

me.  It was then that I realized that I had walked around the blocks’ alleyways and was

standing at the Black Metal Back Door of the Bucket o’ Blood.  I, Free Dave, walked in into

the kitchen like the last action hero with my new hand.  Like a pimp with a twisted taste

in jewelry, I strolled up-to the knife rack.  I grabbed my favorite knife and started

hacking the cow head off of my newly whole arm.  It was so awesome, I swear I heard

the Beagles playing in the background as I chopped away.  It wasn’t until I was slicing off

the last of it that I paid attention to my surroundings.  The kitchen was covered in blood

and gore.  The gore was alive and climbed up walls!!  I heard a man scream from the

front of the restaurant.  I snuck around the Cook/Waitress dividing line and looked

through the doorway of the kitchen and into the dining room.  Out in the dining room I

saw Notnek crouching on the floor.  Boss was down at the feet of a giant bull figure who

was standing erect.  Like a man, right?!  And the bull-cow was on fire.  The burning

Zombie Cow was speaking to Notnek.  Notnek shook his head in protest to whatever was

being said to him by the fire demon.”, says Free Dave.


<<half of the drunks at the bar are now listening to his story.  Free Dave takes a long

sip from his Dead Cup of beer.  he flexes his new hand and continues>>          


“I wanted to see more, to hear more.  I really did.  But the last thing in the world I wanted

was for those two in the front of the house to know that I was in the back of the house.  

So I looked around to see what I could take with me on my way out the back door.  I

grabbed Finnegan’s leftover rum from that morning and my favorite knife.  I stopped on

a whim and creeped over to the fryers and grills.  I opened the gas line to the stoves and

walked out the Black Metal Back Door of the Bucket o’ Blood.  I took the entire contents

of Finnegan’s rum glass and poured it down my throat.  I threw the rum glass over my

shoulder towards the Bucket o’ Blood and walked again into the alleyway.  My place of

employment exploded behind me.  I walked on.”, says Free Dave.


<<Free-Dave feels good.  Free-Dave has two hands again.  Free-Dave had people

listening to his words with actual interest.  having hands and the attention of others

along with beer in his belly made Free-Dave feel happy.  at this same moment in

time, you and Hopskotch Sunday and Dasha and Star are all walking the Normal

Towne Campus Corner Business District of Ticky Tacky University.  the Four Friends

just watched the Bucket o’ Blood burn to the ground.  Hopskotch Sunday and Dasha

debate over what role Free Dave played in the destruction of the restaurant, they

debate and search East Campus Corner.  you and Star explore West Campus Corner

in search of Free Dave and answers.  Finnegan, you look like a commercial for

Chaos Brand Beer.>>


<<up until now, i have not cared to point out that one of the sleeves of your well-

worn black leather jacket is comprised mainly of punk and folk rock band patches.  

ofcourse i did not know what ‘punk rock’ or ‘folk rock’ or ‘fraggle rock’ was when i

started retelling you this tale.  also Finnegan, did you know that ‘Of Course’ is

actually two words?  grammatically speaking that is.  ofcourse i feel that it looks

funny like that.  humans do the darnedest things>>


He made it out of the building.  We all saw it.”, says Hopskotch.


“He lost his hand today!  We need to make sure he’s ok, you ass!”, says Dasha


“I just mean, that he might be the one who set the Bucket o’ Blood on fire.  I didn’t mean

that was a bad thing, or that we should call down justice upon the lazy mouther

fucker…”, says Hopskotch Sunday.


<<this discussion goes on and on… let us see what you and Star are talking about>>


“I know you guys always say he’s trying to get outta life doing as little work as possible,

but I don’t see Free Dave taking the initiative to burn the place down…just to get out of

work.  I mean loss of hand totally get you light duty, right?”, Star says.

“You obviously haven’t listened to what I’ve saidd about Notnek.”, you say.


“Well I have learned to tune you out when you whine about your boss too much or losing

your kid n’ shit…”, says Star.


“You mother fuck…”, you start.


“I’m just fucking with you girl.”, says Star.


“I know.  I am just saying that Boss made us open the restaurant after the Reverend

Mostly High Duff’s murder yesterday.  Also I thought I saw him walk down the alley with

two hands right before the explosion.”, you say.


“Reverend Duff?!”, Star says.


“No Star, Free Dave.”, you say.


<<Star walks the south side of the street looking in the shops for your friend.  you

walk the north side.  you win the friendship easter egg hunt.  you spot Free Dave in

the Belly Bar.  you tell Star you found him and enter the Belly>>


“That damn thing ate my favorite left hand!  I killed it though.  Killed it real good.  

Burned it alive in boiling oil.  Then it came back for me and the restaurant.  It killed my

co-workers dammit!!!”, says Free Dave.


<<the Bartender is paying Free-Dave little mind however.  it is not the first time that

Free-Dave has stumbled into the Belly Bar with an amazing story or a missing body

part.  you walk up to the bar and take a seat next to your crying comrade.  the

Bartender notices you and asks if you would like anything to drink>>


“No thanks.  The Good Times are killing me.”, you reply.


<<Free-Dave departs from his self commiseration when he hears your voice.  he

turns to you and wipes his eyes with a bar napkin>>


“Finnegan!  You’re alive!”, says Free Dave.


<<he half falls off of his barstool struggling to embrace you.  you receive his hug

and help him back on to his seat>>


“Yeah, we walked up right after the first explosion.  Star, Dasha, Hopskotch and I.  We

saw the building go up in flames and you escaping out back.  I can’t help but notice that

you have two hands again buddy”, you say.


<<Free-Dave relates how he stole a stolen hand from a hamburger monster in the

alleyway behind the Howdy Partner.  the other barflies have heard this tale and go

back into their liquor fueled oblivion.  you listen intently until Star enters the bar

and instructs the two of you to follow her out of the Belly Bar.  the three of you walk

to Hopskotch and Dasha.  the two friends are southeast of your location by a couple

blocks.  they have found another group of food service workers crowded around a

coffee shop called the Faith LaSalle.  these minimum wage workers are talking

about monsters attacking them at their food dispensing jobs.  it seems the whole

town is under attack from its food source.  it is like old Lawyer Bob’ nightmare is

coming true, huh Finnegan?  several of the workers here are cooks that you have

met during the time you and the friends have spent in the local food industry.  the

usual suspects.  the workers pass cigarettes and beers back and forth amongst their

peers.  a couple kids in the group are there from the local hipster price grocery

store called Ground Grown>>


“Everyone in the Meat Department is dead.  Only Becky and I survived.”, says a freckle

faced kid.


Becky says, “Yeah, Douglas works in produce and I work or I guess I worked the checkout

counter.  If we’d be been any closer to the meat section, we would be dead too.”


<<they are both visibly shaken and Becky wraps a suspicious East ‘Merican’ looking

blanket someone has handed around her co-worker, Douglas.  after listening to the

group get scared for awhile, you and the Four Friends slip away>>


“Let’s go for a walk guys.  We need to get far away before they start an angry apathetic

mob.”, says Dasha.


“Yeah, speaking of mobs…I think we should go about arming ourselves.”, says Star.


“I know I would appreciate anarchy a bit more if was carrying a weapon.”, says



“We should go get bottles of booze also.”, you say.


<<the four other friends take turns pushing and punching and saying mouthy things

to you>>


“Its a multi-purpose tool.  Antiseptic, sterilization, bomb making, fire fuel and all around

good time juice.”, you say.


<<you carry on with your alco-logic.  Free Dave, Star, Hopskotch and Dasha walk

and talk down the streets of Normal Towne.  it is quickly decided after walking past

a fraternity house full of cars (it seems the brothers of the house decided to turn

the place into a drive through) that the five of you need to obtain a vehicle.  the end

goal being to expedite the process of procuring weaponry.  you are the only one of

the friends with a vehicle, but your van is in pieces along the Oklahellmouth


“Let’s try and find a vehicle that isn’t hanging halfway out of the wall of a Fraternity.”,

you say.


<<happy to hear you witch from talk of drinking over to talk of driving, the rest of

your human group starts to pay attention to your words again>>


“We’ll have better luck fighting whatever monsters are lurking on these streets with a

car at our disposal, than with just our barehands.”, says Dasha.   


“I’m not barehanded.  I’m armed with someone else’s.  You get it?  You get it?”, says Free



<<Free-Dave waves his arms as he speaks and gestures with his newly acquired

black man hand.  Dasha stops walking and looks at Free-Dave and then to Star and

to Hopskotch; they in turn each shrug their shoulders.  the awkward ensues>>


“So where do we get weapons man?”, says Free Dave.  


“I think our best bet is to hit the sporting goods store by the highway.”, you say.


“Guns and knives man.  Axes and ammo.”, says Hopskotch.


“Ball bats and jail bait.”, says Dasha.


“I think you meant fishing bait buddy.”, you say.


“I’m comfortable with my jailbait.”, says Dasha.


<<your friend shares a wolfish grin with you>>


“So Jared Fogel, can we borrow your creepster van?”, you say.


<<Dasha punches you in the gut.  after Dasha finishes mocking you for being the one

with a Cho-Mo van and then Free-Dave pointing out that your van was busted

because you got drunk and killed yourself while driving the van; the group

conversation falls into an awkward feeling sorry for one’s self silence.  two and a

half blocks of Normal Towne college campus corner walk past you all.  Hopskotch

Sunday then grabs your battered black leather jacket and brings the location to a



“I think I just saw Duff pushing his mop bucket into the alley across the street.”, says



“The one by the police station?”, you ask.


<<Hopskotch Sunday walks out into the middle of the road.  a brown package car

swerves to miss him and parks in front of the police station.  Hopskotch Sunday

shakes the ghosts out of his head and discovers the new Friendship Family Vehicle

has appeared before his very eyes>>


“Our Gööber ride is here.”, says Hopskotch.


<<it should be noted here that during his first years of college, your buddy

Hopskotch Sunday, spent some time working for C.A.S.  the Cargo Airport Service is

the subcontracted shipping division of Dyin Read’s public relations empire.  C.A.S.

is the literal hand of the metaphorical hand that feeds.  food, clothing, any

merchandise purchased through the big box stores is delivered by brown truck,

brown plane or human in brown work suit.  the experience gained from Hopskotch

Sunday’s time at C.A.S. informed him of some of the operational and vehicular

procedures that the human delivery drivers are prone to.  this endowed Hopskotch

with the knowledge to take the brown package truck away from the human in the

brown work suit.  you follow Hopskotch and the rest of the Fierce Five into the

package truck only seconds after the man in the brown work suit exits the vehicle

carrying his package.  the package is carried into the Normal Towne Police



“Come on!  Get in the truck!”, says Hopskotch.


<<he whispers urgently and helps you and the others through the passenger door.  

pausing before you completely climb in>>


“Wait, what about Duff?”, you ask.         


“You’re confused again.  Get in Finnegan!”, says Star.


“Never mind that now, come on Finnegan move!”


“Get in! Get in!”, says Free Dave


<<Dasha does not cry out for your expedience.  she climbs back out of the truck and

pulls you in.  Sasha closes the door and pushes Free-Dave down onto a stack of

boxes in the back of the package truck.  Hopskotch jumps into the drivers seated

yells for you to all,>>


“Hold on tight.  This is gonna be a bumpy ride!”, says Hopskotch.


<<the ride is not bumpy.  there are no exciting things to report about the time you

and your friends stole a C.A.S. package truck from infront of a police station.  

except that everyone was thrown to the back of the truck when Hopskotch Sunday

pushed the gas pedal all the way to the floor of the truck.  your dishwashing friend

did this when he noticed the man in the brown work suit staring at all of you inside

of a truck that was not yours to be inside.  the man in the brown work suit is left

alone in the dust to cuss and to curse.  his name is Butch and he is not happy to be

standing alone outside of the Normal Towne Police Station.  Butch reaches into his

pocket to get his cellphone.  he intends on reporting his predicament to his

supervisors.  that is when Butch finds out that he is not alone out here after all.  our

C.A.S. package truck driving hero is taken unaware by a hamburger monster that

has crawled out of the dark alleyway that runs along the side of the police station.  

no one learns about Butch’s truck being liberated.  a couple Normal Towne police

officers walk to the front door of the police station in time to witness Butch being

dragged into the alleyway by the hamburger monster.  the officers look on as a pair

of legs in brown pants kick out at the night air as they are pulled into the darkness

of the alleyway.  the police humans look from the gore marks on the sidewalk up

into eachother’s eyes.  the cop on the right says,>>


“Rock Paper Scissors?”, says COP OTR.


<<the cop on the left shakes her head and says,>>


“Oh hell no.  Fuck all that man.”, says COP OTL.


<<the cop on the left then turns and walks back to her officer office.  air raid sirens

start to ring through the streets of Normal Towne.  down several blocks and around

a few corners from here, two police vans pull up to the Faith Lasalle Coffee Shop.  

the food service kids congregating there earlier have moved inside.  Normal

Towne’s finest food service workers are protesting being murdered and hunted

away from their food service jobs by drinking coffee and not paying for it.  the

Normal Towne Food Service Workers are drinking over caffeinated and normally

over priced drinks with names that sound foreign no matter where you are from.  

the Normal Towne hipsters take turns complaining about their jobs to one another.  

they finish eachother’s sentences whenever they can.  not many actually listen to

the complaints of another.  a baker’s dozen of police officers in SWAT gear rapidly

enter and fill the Faith LaSalle.  sadly these are not the Scandinavian Workshop on

Algorithm Theory type of SWAT teamsters; but the kind that will arrest you and all

of your friends and then go about enjoying your drugs and alcohol.  the entire

hipster coffee shop full of scared and disgruntled foodservice workers is taken into

custody.  the bulk of the police department is now under the hooves of the Horde.  

luckily for the friends, y’all (you_all) have left to find weapons in your big brown

package truck>>


&&friends in truck.  avengers/ninja turtle weapon pose&&






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