34 The Death of the Reverend “Mostly High” Duff

The Death of the Reverend “Mostly High” Duff


<<it was too dark to be morning, and yet morning it was.  Reverend Duff rode his

bicycle through the rain slick streets of Normal Towne.  he waived at the crazy

people drooling on the sidewalks and at the occasional delivery driver dropping off

various restaurant supplies at various restaurants.  Reverend Duff flipped off the

owner of the Howdy Partner as he passed by.  the owner, a disagreeable man named

Biff or Donald or something like that, glared over his shoulder at Duff while he

shakily unlocked his pizza parlor door>>


“Yeah, truck you too pal….grumble grumble…”, muttered the owner of the Howdy

Partner Pizza Parlor.


<<most folks in Normal Towne didn’t get along with Donald/Biff, as he had a habit if

being a creep to the Waitresses and an asshole to any delivery driver who brought

supplies to his restaurant.  but i am sure he is just a misunderstood human, like all

the rest of you lonely assholes.  Reverend Duff peddles into the Bucket o’ Blood

parking lot just in time to see a trash truck emptying the contents of the

restaurant’s dumpster into its’ mechanical stomach.    a loud metallic banging

sound echoes through the air as the dumpster empties into the trash truck and is

set back onto the ground by the trucks mechanical arms.  the machine’s motion

reminds Duff of a man draining a pint of beer.  raise the glass, tip it back and…

down the hatch!!!  in goes libation and out goes sobriety.  Duff shakes the thoughts

from his head and tells himself to quit befriending drunken cooks.  he parks his

bike behind the fence next to the supply shed and shakes bad thoughts and metal

on metal noise out of his Janitor brain>>


“Ahhhhhh!!!  Too much noise for this old janitor.”, says Duff to himself.  


<<the Reverend Mostly High Duff grabs his mop from it’s resting spot on the back

wall and unlocks the Black Metal Back Door of the Bucket o’ Blood.  he opens the

door to find that there are no lights on in the kitchen.  the only illumination comes

from a single light on in the dining room behind the bar>>


“Damn cheap ass Boss turning the lights out on a guy.  How can a janitor see what

monsters await him in a dark scary kitchen?”, mutters Duff.  <<on his way through said

dark, scary kitchen>>


<<the Reverend Duff, Mostly High, passes unharmed through the scary kitchen and

hits the light switches on his way into the dining room.  the kitchen lights flicker

and slowly illuminate.  the dining room jumps to life, filled with light and the

gangster rap that begins when Duff turns on the satellite radio>>  


“Mutha Fucka, Mutha Fucka, on yo knees Bitch!”, sings the Reverend Mostly High Duff.


<<the bass notes bounce around the restaurant and vibrate the glass windows.  the

Bucket o’ Blood seems to bump and grind against reality itself.  across the street

from the restaurant is a church.  the few members of the church there at this hour

are gasping in horror at the music blaring out from the speakers on the Bucket o’

Blood’s outdoor patio.  the Reverend Duff dances on.  after the song ends and all of

the imaginary bitches are on their knees, Duff changes the radio station to a calm

Delta Blues song.  peace emanates from the restaurant and the Janitor heads back

to the kitchen to fill up his mop bucket with soapy water.  a No Sho Jones song starts

on the radio as Duff pours his first bucket of water into the mop bucket.  the Janitor

notices a pile of clean dishes from the previous night drying in a rack next to the

sink.  further to his left, in the back kitchen room, there is a note taped to the ice

machine that reads, “Break down the empty boxes dammit!”  this note illustrates

the Boss’s impotent rage and makes the Janitor laugh to himself.  Duff starts to fill

up a second bucket of mop water.  he hears a noise behind him.  Duff turns to look

down the cook’s line.  he sees a collection of half heartedly cleaned cutting boards,

reach-in cold food storage units, serving areas, grills, an upright fridge and freezer,

and three fryers all underneath a rusted and decaying vent hood.  it is the grapes of

wrath kitchen.  Duff looks at the collection of knives stuck to a magnetic strip above

the cold unit closest to him.  the water flows into the bucket in the sink at his hands.  

the Janitor hears the noise from the cook line again.  this time when the Reverend

Duff (Mostly High) looks down the line, he see’s that the refrigerator at the end of

the line in slightly open.  there is a slow trickle of blood leaking out of the open

refrigerator door>>


“Uhh…that’s not cool.  Health department lady is gonna come in and shut us down.  I hate

looking for work.  This janitor better fix this fast.”, says the Reverend  Mostly High Duff.  


<<Reverend Duff turns off the water faucet and walks toward the bleeding

refrigerator.  as he walks down the cook line, the Janitor notices bits of blood and

meat gore smeared across the door to the reach in coolers and in front of the plate

shelf on the serving line and in front of the grill on the floor.  Reverend Duff is

disgusted by the mess and alarmed that the unsanitary mess seems to be:>>


“Moving?!”, says Duff.


<<as the Reverend Mostly High Duff ponders this revelation he stands in front of

the bleeding refrigerator door and reaches for the handle.  the noise he has heard

from the dish pit turns out to be a low growling sound that is now cleary audible at

this distance to the source.  before the Janitor can decide what action to take, the

refrigerator door bursts open and a two foot by on foot blob of raw, growling meat

lunges at him.  the growling beast from the fridge opens an unlikely mouth to

reveal jagged, gnashing teeth.  the Reverend Duff lets loose a mostly high pitched

scream and turns to run away from the creature.  in his haste Duff slips on some of

the gore on the floor and falls down into the grease and grime.  the slimy meat

ghoul grunts and pounces onto Duff and sinks it’s teeth into his shoulder.  the

Reverend Duff swings his arm against the grill next to him, attempting to break the

beast’s grip, but to no avail.  Duff is able to struggle to his feet whilst the creature

desperately devours his left arm.  the Reverend Duff (no longer Mostly High)

reaches the wall mounted magnet strip of knives and grabs the sharpest knife he

can find and uses it to cut the beast off of him along with the remains of his favorite

left arm>>


<<the Reverend Duff successfully removes the monster and part of his body.  as the

clump of meat falls to the floor it reforms and continues to chew on the left over

arm parts.  Reverend Duff is barely standing and bleeding heavily.  he kicks the

monster and his arm down the line toward the fryers to give himself some distance.  

to keep from bleeding to death, Reverend Duff turns on one of the gas burners on

the stove in front of him and lights the fire.  Duff screams in pain and holds his

bleeding arm stump in the huge gas fueled kitchen flame.  the wound cauterizes

enough to stop bleeding the Janitor to death.  the monster that took Duff’s arm is

finishing it off rather quickly.  Reverend Duff’s pain clouded mind easily imagines

that the blob of gore will still be hungry for more Janitor after the arm o’hor

d’oeuvre.  the Reverend Duff, mostly in pain, stumbles toward the Black Metal Back

door of the Bucket o’ Blood.  on the way through the back kitchen he grabs a broom

to use as both weapon and walking stick.  before he can get to the door Duff hears a

knocking sound from the walk-in.  there are growls and loud pounding on the walk-

in cooler’s door.  what will our Janitor do?  if you choose go and see what is in the

walk-in, go read another book.  if you choose run like hell out the back door, go to

the next paragraph>>


You are hilarious.  Stop it.  You’re killing me.


<<that is correct.  on both accounts, but i digress.  to his credit, the Reverend Duff,

Mostly High, has not lost enough blood to be foolish enough to go and see what

awaits him behind door number two.  instead Duff desperately tries to open the

Black Metal Back door with his remaining right hand.  on the third attempt, he

manages to do so.  the Reverend Duff pushes open the heavy metal door open and

rushes out to meet the Oklahellmouth sunrise.  just after he rests his eyes upon the

shining star, something knocks Duff down from behind with it’s hooves.  the large

beast from the walk-in uses it’s razor sharp teeth to drag Duff (kicking, screaming

and clawing at the ground) back through the Black Metal Back Door of the Bucket o’


—————————ACT II____the destruction of all that is you————————————



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