33 The Belly Bar

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

 

What the hell was that?

 

<<a great side story to tell what is going on in places that aren’t the Bucket o’

Blood>>

 

I think you made all that up as a way to distract me from enjoying myself.

 

<<no i do not make anything up.  this Virus tells it like it is.  that is what is so great

about me.  i say what i mean.  i have great words>>

 

Whatever.  can we get back to focusing on my life?

 

<<narcissist>>

 

The Belly Bar

and the Ghost of No Sho Jones

 

<<the Belly Bar is the only music venue in all of Normal Towne to offer live music

all three hundred seventy two days of the year.  why humans need live music thirty

one days a month is beyond the understanding of my virus mind…but there you

go>>

 

<<HavelDoug, a local musician, is a fixture at the Belly.  HavelDoug plays atleast

once a week, every fifty three weeks of every year.  his dark, cryptic lyrics blend

seamlessly with his carnival barker-like showmanship, enticing men and women of

all ages to dance and sing and grind their pelvises against the pole infront of the

stage>>  

 

<<you stumble in through the front door of the Belly Bar followed by Hopskotch

Sunday, Dasha and Star.  this is many hours after Notnek calmly walked out of the

Black Metal Back Door of the Bucket o’ Blood.  Hopskotch and the Bartender finally

convinced you and Virginia (now you remember her name)  to get dressed and

come out of the walk-in to help close up the Bucket o’ Blood.  you and Hopskotch

walked away from the Bucket o’ Blood after close to meet up with Star and Dasha at

the Howdy Partner.  Star and Dasha had just finished counting their tips and

waving goodbye to their boss (with their middle fingers) as you and Hopskotch

walked up to the front door of the Howdy Partner.  and now you and your three

friends are here at the Belly>>

 

<<a regular at the Belly Bar, HavelDoug always breaks the high E string on his

guitar during his performance.  he blames it on the late great blues man, No Sho

Jones.  No Sho Jones was a white Delta Blues performer.  he was also founder of the

Bucket o’ Blood and the Belly Bar.  he also happened to die on stage at the Belly back

in the 1980’s.  No Sho Jones died of poison, slipped into his drink (a Hurricane)

during his last performance.  it was believed that No Sho Jone’s wife, Rosalinda,

poisoned him so that she could collect his life insurance money and shut down the

Bucket o’ Blood.  she always hated that name>>

 

<<Rosalinda (his business partner aswell as his wife) was the one that persuaded No

Sho to perform at the Belly Bar instead of having shows @ the Bucket o’ Blood.  she

didn’t believe in/like his music and didn’t consider him much of an artist.  her lack

of support didn’t just infect their business partnership, it eroded No Sho’s will to

live.  the reason the public blamed her for poisoning No Sho Jones, was that

Rosalinda Jones was openly fornicating with one of No Sho’s cooks, a feller known

as Lyle Kubbers.  Lubbers cooked for No Sho Jones at the Bucket o’ Blood.  Rosalinda

would manage the Bucket o’ Blood whilst No Sho was playing on stage at the Belly

Bar; and by manage, i mean have sex with No Sho’s best grill cook.  No Sho found

out about Rosalinda’s deception and the fact that she was also about to leave him

and run away to Kaliphonia.  she was leaving in the next morning; with Lyle

Kubbers and the contents of the B.o.B’s bank account>>

 

<<No Sho realized that he couldn’t live without the woman he loved, so he decided

to end himself.  No Sho Jones had no intention of framing his wife for his death.  in

fact he was going to tell that night’s audience about his reason for wanting to die

after he played his last song.  the song was a traditional blues song about love and

loss.  right at the end of his song Rosalinda walked up on stage with another

Hurricane for No Sho (she wanted him good and drunk so she could run off with

Lyle Kubbers without making a scene.)  sadly she poured that fateful Hurricane

from the pitcher that No Sho had on stage and had pre-poisoned.  not noticing

where Rosalinda’s tall glass of sweet icy alcohol juice had come from, No Sho

downed the drink and dove straight into his last monologue.  right in the middle of

No Sho Jones’ preaching of “how much I have loved and lived for music, but I love

my wife even more…”; No Sho Jones dropped dead.  dead before he could finish

telling how he could not live without Rosalinda.  dead before he could sing his last

song>>  

 

<<the police tested No Sho’s blood and the contents of the mixed drink that many a

witness saw Rosalinda give to No Sho before he collapsed on stage.  Rosalinda got

sent to McCow Towne’s Crowley Prison in Eastern Oklahellmouth.  since No Sho was

not able to explain that it was his decision to end his life, the Law charged

Rosalinda with murder.  Rosalinda had no idea of No Sho’s intentions either, so in

her rage, she put a voodoo curse on No Sho Jones’ soul.  No Sho Jones was never able

to fully enter the spirit world.  No Sho Jones could never leave the stage of the Belly

Bar>>

 

Ok. Ok. Okay!  Enough of the Jones’s sad love story.  I already knew most of that.  Let’s

focus on me!

 

<<well that is enough of me talking about No Sho Jones i guess.  i am glad you are

comfortable in your self centeredness Finnegan.  let us listen to Havel Doug play

music, break guitar strings, instigate pole humping aaaaannnd talk more about No

Sho Jones.  yaaaaay!>>

 

Groan…

 

“It was a dark and stormy night.  A night very much like tonight, but…different!”, says

HavelDoug.

 

<<HavelDoug is on stage at the Belly Bar.  he is holding his guitar with the broken

high E string.  some of the folks in the audience groan at his lame literary joke, but

some of the more inebriated and easily influenced audience members squeal in

terror>>  

 

“I played this same song, in this same bar……but my guitar string did not break!”, says

HavelDoug.

 

<<dramatic pause>>

 

“Instead, I finished the song in it’s entirety and walked off stage, after much, much

applause…like a lot of clapping and cheering for my awesome work.  Backstage was a tall

white fat man in a slick black suit and hat, holding a blue acoustic guitar.  He said to me,

‘Good show, for a Hipster’, then he cackled and disappeared in a puff of blue smoke.  The

next instant my high E string popped off my guitar and cut my hand across the knuckles.  

I heard the spooky laughter once again.  So I put my guitar back in it’s case and had a

Dead Cup of soapy beer.”, says HavelDoug.

 

<<HavelDoug raises up his large red glass of oat soda, like a magician holing up a

rabbit that he’d just pulled free from a hat.  the crowd oohs and awes with a

smattering of applause>>

 

“After my third Dead Cup, I asked the pretty red headed bartender about the apparition I

had seen backstage.  She refills my beer without me even having to ask and says, ‘Oh

that’s just No Sho.  He hangs around here a lot.’  I smiled and bought a shot of whiskey

and stumbled across the bar to speak to an old timer about this No Sho character.  Pirate

Paul was a regular at the Belly Bar.  You could set a watch by ol’ Pirate Paul’s arrival at

the Belly.  He showed up at four twenty in the afternoon, everyday.  Pirate Paul had lived

in Normal Towne as long as anyone could ever remember.”, says HavelDoug.

 

“Play a song ya idjit!”, shouts a drunken female voice in the crowd.

 

“Shut up Finnegan, I’m telling a story here.”, says HavelDoug.

 

<<the audience laughs.  you turn red.  HavelDoug sips his beer>>

 

“Shit.  Now where was I?  Oh yes.  So there I was, the Belly Bar, I had just finished my

songs, got harassed by a ghost, and was chatting up some old guy about the re-occuring

spectre.  There was another band on stage at this point.  Some two piece called ‘The

Local Martyrs’ I believe.  As the band sang songs of sorrow and loss, I climbed the

barstool next to Pirate Paul.  He turned to me and said ‘Hullo there young man, can I buy

you an oat soda?’  I showed Pirate Paul my newly filled Dead Cup and said, ‘Thank you

Friend, maybe the next round.  I would like to ask ya about some one called No Sho.’  

And just like that, the smile disappeared from Pirate Paul’s face.  Pirate Paul brought his

beer down from his mouth and gave me a very serious and concerned look.”, says

HavelDoug.

 

<<HavelDoug takes a beer sip break.  he tunes a couple strings on his guitar before

continuing>>

 

“‘No Sho Jones, did you say?’, asked Pirate Paul.  All I could manage was a weak , ‘I

guess..’  and shrug my shoulders guiltily.  ‘Well that’s a very interesting story indeed.’,

replied Pirate Paul.  He looked off thoughtfully as he drained the rest of the soapy beer

from his Dead Cup.  ‘Let me tell you a story about the man who opened this very bar.  It

was the 1970’s and it was a very different time from how it is now.  The country was in

turmoil, people were giving up on one religion and turning to another one, minorities

were being mistreated and demanding equality, and we were at war with people we

didn’t know across the globe.  The politicians we elected wrecked havoc on our economy,

corruption ran rampant and everyone thought that the world was going to end.’, said

Pirate Paul.  He waved his hands expressively as he spoke.  I sat and stared at him for a

moment and then asked, ‘But I thought that you said that that time was different from

how things are now?’  Pirate Paul laughed heartily.  Then he told me this story.”, says

HavelDoug.

 

<<HavelDoug starts to play the guitar and sing the following story:>>

 

A Further Story of No Sho Jones

(as recounted by Pirate Paul to and sung by HavelDoug)

 

“No Sho Jones was born in the Delta.  It was the early 1920’s in the Missahippie city of

Darkscale, Mother Jones gave birth to seven baby boys.  The last birthed boy, the one she

thought would never come out, she named No Sho.  No Sho Jones was loved by his

momma more than life itself.  Mamma showered No Sho with love, affection and plenty

of food.  Mamma Jones would labor in the kitchen all day, everyday.  She would cook for

her husband, their seven sons and all the hired hands that worked on Papa Jones’ farm.  

By the time No Sho was born, his six brothers were all old enough to help Papa Jones out

on the farm.  So Mamma Jones kept No Sho at home, by her side in the kitchen.  When No

Sho got older, her other sons often asked Mamma why No Sho wasn’t out helping the rest

of the sons do Papa’s work.  Mamma Jones looked at her son and declared that it was

only fair that she have a helper to do her work as well.  This always made sense, because

not only did her family enjoy the fruits of Mamma’s labor, but all of Darkscale.  Everyone

in town applauded Mamma Jones’s cooking.  Folks came from far and wide to visit the

Jones Family Farm, and more specifically, the Jones Family Kitchen.  From age two No

Sho was hard at work in the kitchen, learning everything that his mother could teach

him.  Mixing bread dough, tearing lettuce and kale, washing potatoes and carrots were

the games baby No Sho loved to play.   When No Sho was three years old, Papa Jones gave

him his first guitar, a Lohr Acoustic.”

 

<<HavelDoug plays a guitar solo, sans high E string ofcourse>>

 

“Papa Jones wanted to make sure that No Sho acquired skills other than kitchen mastery.  

Mamma Jones was annoyed at first that her special helper was developing other

interests, but as No Sho still spent his time near her, she relented.  No Sho learned many

varied approaches to the guitar from the large cast of farm hands that worked at the

Jones Family Farm through the years of his youth.  The men who sat outside playing

guitar during their lunch breaks brought with them songs from all across the

Oklahellmouth.  After learning some basic chords, No Sho would sit in Mamma Jones’

kitchen and play his black and sunburst orange guitar for her all day long.  In the

beginning, No Sho would play popular folk songs such as, ‘Go and tell Aunt Brody’ and

‘Ain’t it a Shame to Steal on a Sunday?’, but after a few months No Sho started to write

his own songs.”

 

“The songs No Sho would write would be about his love for Mamma and about the

delicious food she would cook for him and the family.  No Sho would sing, ‘Potato soup,

potato soup thick and creamy, Fry up that bacon fat Mamma, please feed me!’  Mamma

Jones would cook and cackle all the afternoon.  It was a kitchen dance party.  The house

was filled with the delicious smells of Mamma Jones cooking and the sweet sounds of No

Jones’ music.  The guitar crooned along with it’s player and the neighbors would poke

their heads out of their windows to hear the sound.  The children who played in the

streets nearby learned some of No Sho’s songs and sang them as they chased each other

around in the red dirt.”

 

“No Sho’s reality was destroyed when Mamma Jones died in the state of Missahippe’s

first car wreck.  No Sho was twelve years old.  The richest man in the state, Ace L’Argent

du Sang, had made a bad business deal and lost a great deal of his family’s money.  He

went on a killing spree with a Colt revolver in his Model T Ford.  After shooting six

businessmen on Main street, Ace drove the car into the front of the General Store.  

Mamma Jones was the only shopper killed, but No Sho and several others nearby were

injured.  No Sho held his mothers hand as she lay dying under the rear wheel of the

former millionaire’s Model T.  No Sho was heartbroken and afraid of cars the rest of his

days.  He would only sing sad mournful songs that he composed daily.  This is when he

composed his most famous song, ‘That man lost his money then I lost my mom’.”, sings

HavelDoug

 

<<HavelDoug finishes the song.  several audience members cry at the sad story of

No Sho Jones.  the song fills you with sadness and confusion.  you think you should

have some new understanding from this story, something to do with your work or

your life.  but all you really understand is that your soapy beer buzz needs to be

maintained.  HavelDoug plays a couple high energy dance number to wake anyone

up who may have gotten drowsy during story time.  Hopskotch snd Dasha and Star

and you proceed to dance!  dance! dance!  and then you find yourselves hearing the

last call for alcohol.  HavelDoug watches all his audience turn away from the dance

floor and move like cows or zombies up to the lines forming at the bar and the

bathrooms.  he takes this as a cue to finish the story he sang earlier>>

 

“After telling me his version of the tale of No Show Jones, Pirate Paul smiled, picked up

his Dead Cup and headed out the bar room door.  I smiled to myself thinking that the old

timer had pulled one over on me to get a couple free beers and a drinking buddy for the

night.  I decided that I myself had had one too many Dead Cups.  The Local Martyrs were

now upstaging me, so I figured it was time to pick up my five string guitar and head on

home.  My guitar in hand, the Local Martyrs singing about ‘the man at the top fucking

you again’, I headed out the back door.  I was putting my guitar in the trunk of my Prius

when I spotted Pirate Paul halfway down the block.  He was stumbling home I guessed.  I

was about to holler at him and ask if he wanted a ride; but then I saw a bright blue light

flash directly in the space in front of Pirate Paul that was previously thin air.  It was like

a door way made of pure light just exploded open in the alleyway behind the Belly Bar.  

Pirate Paul just stared into the light and then a man in a flannel shirt pushed a mop

bucket out of the doorway.  I started to laugh in disbelief of what I was seeing.  Pirate

Paul had the same reaction.  But the Janitor looking guy just nodded with his head at

Pirate Paul.  He motioned for him to come through the doorway.  The Janitor must have

said something pretty convincing, because I watched him and Pirate Paul walk into the

light.  Then with another loud popping sound, the doorway turned back into thin air and

alleyway.”, says HavelDoug.          

 

<<HavelDoug talked about a couple other things that you didn’t pay attention to.  

the musician sang another couple songs about random things that may or may not

have happened to him in Normal Towne.  then the Belly Bar lights turned all the

way up and everyone was able to see really well how drunk they were.  the red

headed bar tender said to go away.  and away you and the Friends went.  the four of

you hugged in the alleyway previously described in HavelDoug’s story and you all

went your separate ways.  you all dreamed of No Sho Jones and his life of Blues.  

into sleep you sought refuge from the troubles of life.  you dreamed away death and

taxes, runaway spouses, missing children and the fact that you had to open the

Bucket o’ Blood in the morning>>

 

 

&&images of you and the friends and door way of light w/ pirate paul and duff in alleyway&&

 

 

<<and on the third day at the restaurant Known By Some Assholes As the Bucket o’

Blood (A.K.A.B.S.A. the B.o.B.)

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