Meanwhile back at the Howdy Partner…
<<your mind returns to the present. thinking that Hopskotch must be done with his rant on determinism by now you head back to your table. you blame your psychedelic bathroom trip on piss poor magic and the excessive amounts alcohol you consume>>
“The long and short of it is that I DO believe in determinism. It seems to me there is a reason for everything, or at least a cause. Every cause has an effect, and every I mean every effect is caused by something. Nothing happens for no reason. We may not be able to know what the cause is, but there has to be one. I’ve never heard of any evidence for spontaneous effects without cause (except in quantum mechanics, but that’s another story.)
There are different arguments for determinism.
A) You can’t turn left and not turn left at the same time. You can only do one thing. It
may be in the future, and you may not know which one you are going to do, but you can
still only only do one thing. This is a form of logical determinism.
B) There is also theological determinism. If God is all knowing, then he knows
everything you are going to do. How can he…”, says Hopskotch.
<<you and Dasha both interrupt and yell, “She!”>>
“Okay, She, be all powerful and perfect and not know what is going to happen? You can’t
trick God. You can only do what he, she, it knows you are going to do. Lastly,
C) I’ve also learned a lot more about DNA and what role it plays on our “decisions.”
In a nutshell…”, Hopskotch says.
<<Dasha turns to Star and says, >> “Help, I’m in a nutshell!” <<Dasha rolls on her back in the booth, kicks up her legs and mimics being trapped in something small>>
“Evolution works like this: you are made of specific DNA. If you’re lucky to survive long enough, you pass some of your DNA to your offspring.”, says Hopskotch.
<<you, Finnegan, sniffle at this>>
“Sorry Finn. Over billions of years those qualities that help you survive get passed down and refined. Once living creatures started caring for their young, their young started surviving long enough to reproduce and pass down that compassion through their DNA. Our compassion has been developing and refining within our DNA for millions of years. Millions!! Even our emotions are determined.”, says Hopskotch.
<<Star turns to you and says,>> “Yeah, determined by beer.” <<this gives you pause and you look down at your beer thoughtfully. the oat soda somehow seems less enticing… Hopskotch winds down his vociferous rant at his audience.
Chad and Mickey are Holding eachother’s hands and praying at this point>>
“Hormones are released to make you fall in love, like in my Love-Bot paintings. Robots programmed to feel a certain way, to feel like they are in love. We are organic machines. This helps us pass on our DNA. We create bonds within our DNA pools, mostly our families and communities and geographical regions. This was developed after millions of years because it helps our species live long enough to pass down those aspects created in our DNA. This helps explain why people root for the local Football ‘Merican’ Style!!! team, when in fact there is no reason not to like some other Football ‘Merican’ Style!!! team. I personally don’t like Football ‘Merican’ Style!!! at all…”, says Hopskotch.
<<everyone, save Chad and Mickie, at your booth shouts,>> “Here Here!!” <<and you call yourselves ‘Mericans’…shame be upon the lot of you sport lack-of-enthusiasts!!>>
“But I have always wondered about this. The interest in sports or some other category of human past times. Why do you think sex feels so good?”, says Hopskotch Sunday.
“Cause it is awesome sweet cheeks! Come be my bar back and I’ll teach ya how to make the happy hour, or the hour happy.”, says Rasberry the Bartender.
<<everyone turns from Hopskotch and stares at the Bartender. everyone’s minds are picturing his suggestion. Hopskotch shivers. a couple college students drinking beer at the end of the bar hastily drink their beers and drop some crumpled papers of money onto the bar top before quickly and quietly walking toward the exit>>
“Later boys!”, says Rasberry. <<he calls out and waves to the college students and tucks their paper money into his skinny hipster jeans>>
“So yeah, sex…”, Hopskotch says. <<lecture restarted>> “Because that good feeling makes us reproduce and pass on our winning traits. Why are things like babies or small animals cute? So we will protect them long enough for them to grow and reproduce and pass on their own (our) DNA. Why does food taste so good? Why are things pretty? This isn’t something we choose, it is something our minds have been developed to do. We are programmed. Life 3.0, we have been developed into sociological creatures. That’s why we go crazy when we spend too much time alone. All of this is biologically determined.”, says Hopskotch.
<<there is a pause and an uncomfortable silence. Rasberry cleans glasses behind the bar. the rag wiping out the insides of the high ball glasses is audible. Before Chad and Mickie can formulate a preprogrammed religious counter argument, Dasha speculates>>
“A lot of people try to argue for certain things because they don’t like the conclusion that their opposition leads to. Ultimate truth goes beyond just the human mind and what we like or don’t like. There are only a few examples I know of where we could have Free Will. There could be a different reality created for EVERY single time little if/or scenario created by EVERY single mind throughout time, past present or future. That’s a lot of realities!! Not only is there no evidence for this, but if there is an all knowing God, she would still know about these other realities so Theological Determinism would still be in play. The other one that comes to mind is the fact that there are random occurrences on a quantum level. Particles will seemingly appear from nowhere and flash out of existence for no apparent reason. Not only do I believe there is a reason for this that we haven’t discovered yet; even if there wasn’t, that would simply mean that our “free will” is caused by random events and not even our own “will.” Again, I think this is just a weak argument for people who don’t like to think they have no “free will.”, says Dasha.
<<again Mickie and Chad strive to tell Dasha and Hopskotch how God wants them to join their religious organization, but their arguments won’t come forth. Finnegan, you signal to Rasberry the Bartender to bring the booth another round. he happily obliges. Dasha polishes off her old beer and smiles at the new glass of oat soda being placed before her. Hopskotch steals the floor>>
“So the next question is , if we have no free will and everything we do is determined, is that a bad/sad thing? I don’t think so. There is still the fact that we don’t know what causes our actions or what is going to happen next. I find this exciting. I love experiencing new things. Like I said earlier, I love life and am happy just being along for the ride. Even if life is a rollercoaster set on tracks, we can still look around and enjoy everything. It is like watching a movie. The movie is really just still frames moving by real fast or pixels on a screen. Zeroes and ones, binary, flowing through a computer. We see images and hear sounds, creating a believable experience and that is what we like. Life is like that. It may be determined and all break down to physical/chemical attributes, but that does not mean it can’t be a fun ride.”, says Hopskotch.
<<he sits back and takes a satisfied sip of his new glass of barley pop. Finnegan frustration and pent up rage explodes as you leap to your feet>>
“You are correct to the extent that free will is a myth, a bad rumor. There is no “free” will, just like there is no free lunch. But pure determinism?! That’s George W. Bullshit. Sounds like a religious fairy tale to me. Scientific dogma. Every choice comes with a cost. The cost of not doing something different. The cost of the consequences of your choice. What you choose determines what happens next. Your arguing over whether we are programmed by our circumstances only holds a few cups of the water of truth. We are more likely to choose certain things because we chose them in the past, but the past does not necessarily determine the future. Because we weren’t hugged enough as children we are more likely to go out and exterminate an entire race of people we don’t like, but then again we might choose not to be a fucking
asshole. Nothing is determined per say. There are strong likelihoods. You choose to masturbate your brains with stimulating arguments to achieve superior feelings of intellectualism. I choose to masturbate my genitals because I determine that I will achieve orgasm.”, you say.
<<you finish your speech and drain an entire glass of beer you take from the booth’s table. both Mickie and Chad stand up and clap, applauding your outburst. Rasberry joins in as well, and eventually Star pulls Dasha up to applaud.>>
“Let’s go to the Belly tonight. I hear they are having a special on soapy beer. Dead Cups in our hands and Havel Doug in our ears.”, says Dasha.
<<Hopskotch faces palms his grinning face and holds both hands up to you in mock surrender>> “You haven’t heard the last of reason Finnegan.”, Hopskotch says.
<<not if captain morgan can help it>>
“Did you know that other than being the official folk singer for Ticky Tacky University, Havel Doug is also the creator of
the International Association for the Fellatio of Dougs?”, asks Hopskotch Sunday.
“What?”, you ask.
<<you have a confused look on your face>>
“Well…”, Hopskotch begins. <<Star and Dasha have already walked away to settle the bill with Rasberry the Bartender, but Mickie and Chad seem won over by Hopskotch Sunday’s fount of knowledge>>
“Havel Doug created a website for other fellas named Doug…”, Hopskotch Sunday says.
<<and another oat soda fueled lecture begins>>
&&&Hopskotch in conversation with mickie and chad, Star and Dasha dragging Finnegan to the exit&&&