26 Thirty Something Sex Magick

Thirty Something Sex Magick

“Drop me into Shallow Water, Before I get too Deep.”

– Edie Brickell


<<you and i have time traveled again.  we watch an exceedingly lengthy McCow Towne General Hospital lecture where out heroine, Finnegan, you get drunk, bored and horny as your husband drones on about sciencey stuff>>




<<human, you are drawing pen on everyone’s cocktail napkins for Cthulhu’s sake>>


Heh.  Yeah.  Point taken.  That was a fun night.


&&&image of finnegan smiling looking off to the side&&&


<<here is a bit of Ruben’s speech:>>


“The Brohemian Club is an elite men’s club with it’s origins in Ancient Kaliphonyia.  Before Kaliphonyia mostly fell into the sea of course.  Ha ha ha…err..well then.  The Brohemian Club was originally started by Sant Franciscan Jornalists before the West ‘Merican’ Civil War.”


<<Ruben senses a lack of enthusiastic attention from his fellow Brohemians>>


“Long live the Dark God Azathoth!!”, Ruben continues.


<<the audience applauds and laughed heartily>>


“After the war, the Brohemian Club went from being just a journalist’s club to including artists and a few appreciators of the arts swell.  It wasn’t long before the group was infiltrated by the rich and well connected.  The Brohemian Club was soon used as cover for an ancient group of politically minded magicians, the illuminatii.  You may have heard of them…”, says Ruben.


<<more laughter and applause erupts from the crowd.  even your drunk ass laughs for some reason, as you are totally clueless to what your husband is talking about.  it has to be said that although you are always drunk, you are always doting on your husband and his big ol’……brain, Finnegan>>

Shut it, Little Voice.


<<moo-ving on…>>


“The illuminati used the Brohemian Club to serve as a hub for the powerful and wealthy to connect, plot world affairs and conduct dark rituals in a group setting.  Among the many powerful individuals belonging to the club past and present are: various wealthy businessmen (including many of the Rockefellers), science fiction writers (such as our Brother of the Wood, H.P. Lovecraft), brilliant scientists (the likes of Bernard Vonnegut), high ranking state and foreign government officials (before there were only East and West ‘Merica’ officials), and all successful two term ‘Merican’ Presidents.  Of the dark rites performed in the Kaliphonyia Forests, the Cremation of Care Bear Cousins is the most well known.”, Ruben says.


<<i am including my description here instead of your lame ass husbands>>


No complaints from me.  I can’t understand half of what comes out of his mouth when he discusses work. 

<<so this ritual sees the group of rich humans covered in shit brown bathrobes, with hoods, assembling in octagonal groups chanting bacchanals and burning a living human sacrifice attached to a giant owl or elephant statue>>


What the fuck?!  Ruben and his rich friends did this shit?


<<no, they do that shit.  all. the. time!!  ever year or so man.  it is called the Cremation of Care Bear Cousins, because those rich fucks are too cheap to order a bear for the ceremony every year.  the ritual was originally called the Cremation of Care Bear.  but now, they just buy whatever giant animal statue has been sculpted by whatever loser artist one of the members spots selling their work on the side of the road in whatever small West ‘Merican’ town they happen to pass through during the off season>>


But why in the hell?


<<i do not know Finnegan.  it is a magic ritual used to maintain the illuminati’s power.  they sacrifice the unproductive members.  if there are too many rich folks tagging along for the ride or somebody finds a two for one statue sale, the ceremony has multiple sacrifices that year.  burn the witches and all that jazz>>


“The act, called by former West ‘Merican’ President Reichard ‘Dick Trick’ Vixen as “one of the faggy-est things that I have ever seen.”, is reported to supply great power to the individuals involved.  Allegiance to the group is strictly enforced and those who betray the group are swiftly and severely dealt with; as we can see in the case of Reichard Vixen.”, says Ruben.


<<his words bring forth cat-calls from the audience.  everyone loves to bash ol’ Dick Trick>>

“Reichard Vixen (Also Known By Some Assholes As Dick Trick, for reasons  we shall leave to the imagination)  <<audience laughter>>  was an up and coming member of the Brohemian Club.  It was even rumored that he tried out for the illuminati swim team at one point; but due to government records being sealed for one hundred years, we shall never know.  At a certain point Reichard’s re-election campaign was “This Vixen’s the one!”; but alas the man’s ego was too enormous for many of his illuminati brethren’s tastes.  After a Vixen panty raid on the opposing party, the illuminati used it’s many media 
connections to deep fry Dick Trick’s public credibility.  He was a bitter old sideshow freak after that.”, says Ruben


<<talkie talk talk talk.  your big brained husband sure does enjoy the sound of his own voice Finnegan…>>


Yup.  And the smell of sex in the morning.


<<whoa.  too much information, even for a virus to have>>


Ok.  Let me speed up the progression of events then.  Ruben finishes his speech and comes back to the table.  He is confronted by dozens of hospital staff members.  They thank him for his father’s contribution to medicine (Also Known By Some Assholes As Money) and talk about his gene therapy work.  Ruben is pulled aside and into a conversation with an elderly man in a gray greasy looking suit, thick black rimmed glasses and a gray debt hat.  


<<the man identifies himself as Uncle Bill>>


“Well son, let me have a taste of you.  The food here looked delicious, and I loved the feel of your speech.  I want to start again.  Let these words be both a come on and end with a backhanded compliment on how you managed to give a speech about science to scientists and not actually talk about science even once.  You’re not a scientist son, just another hot magician.  A shining monkey in eight hundred dollar shoes.”, says Uncle Bill


<<furiously pumping Ruben’s favorite right hand as he says it>>


Yeah that buy made my asshole twitch.  After “Uncle Bill’s Divergent Rant”, Ruben and I are deadly silent.  Several doctors stare back at the old man uncomfortably, like he was a priest that touched them inappropriately.  I seize the opportunity to pull Ruben aside to kiss and persuade him to leave.  I am dressed in a short and thin silk black dress.  I’ve dyed my hair red and black and parted it down the middle and draped it over my bare shoulders.  I painted my nails black with a few red lines going from cuticle to tip.  I have on long shiny black motorcycle boots that almost go unto my thighs.


<<so you look like a gothic whore human?>>

Don’t hold anything back bud.  Just say whatever you think.  Ruben has been staring at me through his entire speech and actually lost his place several times.  Mainly because I’ve been drinking like Charles Bukowski and make lewd gestures to my table mates and seductive glances up at him on the stage.  When Ruben breaks from the kiss to shake hands with the president of the hospital I walk up behind him, put my arm around him and trace a line down his chest.  I whisper into his ear, “If you leave with me now, I’ll leave these boots on back at the Don’t tell Motel.  Five minutes later Ruben has excused himself from the event being held in his honor and is driving me back to the McCow Towne Don’t Tell Motel.  I’m leaning against him from the passenger seat and stroking his inner thigh.    


<<whoa Finnegan!  alto.  stop.  pause.  es demasiado!  that is just sending the blood through our head, your head way too rapidly when you tell it.  i will do the telling, you relax and relive, ok?  i was hoping to retell the sex parts of the story…since you know..i, well..>>


Ok little voice, I guess you haven’t had much sex, being what you are.  except fucking stem cells.  Tag you’re it.  I’ve already lived it once.

<<rub a dub dub, rub it in, why do you not?  oh wait, you did>>








<<ok.  back at the McCow Towns’s Don’t Tell Motel, Finnegan, you have mister Ruben up against the inside of your hotel room door, kissing him hard and pulling at the zipper of his slacks.  human kissing is humorous funny looking.  it is like you are starving and you are searching through your husband’s mouth to scrounge for any stray morsel of food.  as the kiss/food hunt goes on, you pull Ruben’s erect cock out as he moans and gasps for air.  in an impressive show of multi-tasking, he massages your left breast through your silk dress.  kissing and stroking and moaning for minutes, you slowly descend to your knees and adjust your dress to kneel before Ruben.  kissing and lapping at his body the entire way down.  you eagerly kiss and massage Ruben’s throbbing member, and before he can climax, you lean back and stand up, still clutching his cock.  Ruben looks back at you, his wife, as if waking from a dream.  he follows, as you gently pull him away form the door and toward the desk in the room.  you turn towards the desk and lean on it, baring your back for Ruben to unzip your sheer silk dress.  he gladly does, and guides it down your hips and onto the floor.  Ruben strokes your back and embraces you from behind.  his arms encircle you and massage your breasts.  you are rubbing his rigid phallus against your firm human buttocks and the supple lips of your vagina.  Ruben turns you to face him and kisses you again violently, hungrily.  you bring up your left leg, wrapping your long black boot around Ruben’s body.  you and he just kiss for sometime until Ruben breaks away and starts to lick and bite his way down your chest.  this anticipation is maddening Finnegan!  Ruben pauses and samples each breast pulling and teasing your erect nipples.  you smile and smile with each flash of pleasure.  as Ruben continues his descent, he pulls your left leg up on his shoulder as he begins to kiss your inner thighs.  licking and gently biting you, Ruben smiles as you moan.  he brushes aside your thin cotton panties and gently strokes your vaginal lips and puts his own lips to your clit.  Ruben teases you with his tongue and slides his fingers in and out of your body.  you open welcomingly.  Ruben brings you to the brink of climax and slowly pulls away.  he pulls you toward him and onto the bed.>>




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