18 The Bucket o’ Blood



<<it is a bright sunny day in this part of Oklahellmouth.  it is my first day seeing the

world in which you live and work.  i will describe it as i would to another foreigner,

as that is what i was.  the birds are hiding in what passes for trees around here.  the

trees do not reach for the sky here in cowboy country, they meekly stare up at it.  in

fact, the trees more closely resemble two moderately tall basketball players, one

standing upon the other’s shoulders whilst holding sticks draped in handkerchiefs

drying in the debilitating sunlight.>>  


<<there is a city that looks like many other West ‘Merican’ cities.  to be truthful, this

city was actually copied from some of the more popular ‘Merican’ cities’ layout and

designs, but why criticize the last vestiges of ‘Merican’ Society’s “hey day”.  these

aforementioned West ‘Merican’ cities were scattered across the country Now

Known As the Oklahellmouth; sadly most parts or all of them (in some cases) have

been destroyed by climate change, or class and race war.  this middle ‘Merican’ city,

a relic replica of days gone by, is appropriately called Normal Towne.>>


<<Normal Towne is a college town.  meaning the city is centered around college life

and derives it’s main economic inflow form college related activities.  these

activities include feeding and clothing and housing the students, teachers and

various personnel at the school.  the students and faculty at Ticky Tacky University

more often than not are too lazy to prepare their own food; thus much of the

economic activity taking place throughout Normal Towne was related to the

foodservice industry.  every sort of fast food eatery one could think of was

accessible in triplicate.  burgers and fries chicken.  stereotypical non caucasian

foods.  dead animals interspersed with rice and noodles and tortillas and peppers

and cheese sauces served with fried breaded everything.  with all the attention to

the feeding of humans, you might be concerned that the housing and clothing of

humans were neglected.  this was not the case at all.  humans could live in houses

or apartments, both big and small.>>

<<there were college dorms and even little people boxes called cars and trucks and

vans.  some people tried to live in these; which angered the local authorities.  yes

there was no shortage of housing.  sadly, Normal Towne did have a steady supply of

homeless humans as well.  many of the homeless humans choose to live without a

home on purpose, for various reasons including insanity.  but much of the homeless

population of Normal Towne had just fallen through what is known as the cracks of

society.  i find it odd that these are not the real cracks that one sees on the street,

but imaginary cracks.  i am guessing that it is a space time continuum sort of thing

that the homeless humans fell through to get where they are in life.>>


<<as for clothing, the clothing industry in West ‘Merica’ was nothing short of

spectacular.  i mean, not only the clothes themselves but the process of creation

and distribution of them is just fabulous as well.  the clothing was created clear

across the world by poor East ‘Mericans’ and shipped to the more wealthy West

‘Merican’s.  there are wealthy East ‘Mericans’, but that is another discussion.  the

poor East ‘Merican’s get paid as little as possible to create the clothing and other

various products that the West ‘Mericans; love to purchase.  there are poor West

‘Mericans’ to be sure, but even these wage slaves are also “slaves to fashion.”  

sometimes the poor even spend a larger percentage of their income on special high

cost clothing.  humans often call themselves, “slaves to fashion.”  this means they

will do anything for shiny objects, i believe.  whether i am correct or not, the same

humans who rip off the poor Wast ‘Mericans’ for their time and money, are the

same humans that rip off the “rich” West ‘Mericans’ aswell.  “rip off”, like “slaves to

fashion”, is just a phrase that implies the humans involved are almost willingly

allowing themselves to be deceived.  another phrase, “getting duped”, comes to

mind.  see?  fabulous!!>>


<<there was another dominant component to Normal Towne’s economic

infrastructure, “Football ‘Merican’ Style!!”  this is a human sport native to West

‘Merica’.  although there are many many sports practiced and enjoyed on ‘Merican’

college campuses, none is so revered in West ‘Merica’ as that of college “Football

‘Merican’ Style!!”   it is as worshiped by the masses as much as any other of the

world’s religions, and it brings in just as much revenue.>>


<<this is Normal Towne>>


<<in this city of Normal Towne, there is a building.  this building used to be a

gasoline filling station three score years ago.  now however, it is a restaurant called

the Bucket o’ Blood.  the building went from providing nourishment to people boxes

into providing nourishment to people themselves.  the sun shines in the bay

windows on the east side of the restaurant, illuminating the dining room and the

man that is sweeping the floors.  he is known as the Reverend Mostly High Duff, or

Duff for short.  he has been the janitor at the Bucket o’ Blood for the last score of

years or so.  he has seen a couple different owners and score after score of cooks in

the kitchen during his reign over the mop bucket.  the Reverend Mostly High Duff

has learned quite a bit by observing these kitchen warriors’ lives.  Duff has also

enjoyed watching the different restaurant owners try their luck at running the

Bucket o’ Blood.  the current owner, Notnek, runs the restaurant from the bar stool

closest to the kitchen.>>


<<this morning, Notnek enters through the back door at ten minutes past nine.  

Notnek usually tries to show up to the restaurant atleast twenty minutes or so

before (folks he calls) the “help” arrives to work.  Notnek likes to start the day

earlier and have a “jump” on those that he employs.>>


<<but on this morning, Notnek is arriving to the Bucket o’ Blood a little bit later

than usual.  the Reverend Mostly High Duff is emptying his mop bucket into the

back prep sink as Notnek bursts through the black metal back door of the Bucket o’

Blood.  Notnek is obviouslyy still drunk form the night before.  his breath smells to

duff, like whiskey flavored mouth wash.  Reverend Duff smiles and continues his

cleaning, wishing Notnek a “Good Morning!”  to which Notnek nods and growls as he

moves past his janitor into the dining room to open the safe and withdraw the

restaurant’s earnings from the previous evening.>>


<<the Cook and the Dishwasher are scheduled to be at the Bucket o’ Blood at nine

a.m. and have yet to arrive.  it is now nine twenty three in the morning.  the

Reverend Mostly High Duff wonders how long before Notnek grasps the fact that

Duff is his only “help” that has shown up to do so.  Notnek brings his money to the

back kitchen room to his desk by the back door, across from the aforementioned

mop water filled prep sink.  Notnek sits at this desk and counts his money every

morning, totaling up the sales reports from each bartender and waitress before

taking the money to be deposited at the local bank.  Notnek pauses the count to take

a sip of his FarStucks Coffee and looks around in inebriated confusion.>>


“Damn, the kitchen sure is quiet Duff.  Where’s the help?  Where the hell is Junior and

her buddy Hop-a-long?”, asks Notnek.  <<in earnest>>  


“I haven’t heard from them yet.”, replies the Mostly High Reverend Duff.


<<“Junior” is what Notnek calls you, Finnegan!  mainly because he knows that it

pisses you off.  Duff and Notnek get into a conversation about the original owner of

the Bucket o’ Blood (or the B.o.B., as it is Also Known By Some Assholes as)  the

original owner of the B.o.B. was a blues musician Commonly Known As: No Sho



“I remember when No Sho Jones would play his songs in the bar after closing Duff.”,

starts Notnek.  <<in his whiskey reverie>>

“He would have the girls lock up the front doors and buy whoever was still in the

restaurant beer as long as they wanted to stay and dance and listen to him play.”


“I know.  I’d come in and clean up in the mornings and wake all of you night owls up!”,

says the Reverend Mostly High Duff.  <<in a deep, serious voice>>


“We would wake up after juke jointin’ all night and open the restaurant, going through

our day and earning our pay.  You didn’t see us slacking off after a night of drink and

dance!”, preaches Notnek.


<<Reverend Duff remembers Notnek’s early kitchen days a bit differently, but he

wisely doesn’t bother to correct his employer.  it is right around that point that

“Junior and Hop-a-long” (A.K.B.S.A. as the Cook and the Dishwasher, the “help”, or

just Finnegan and Hopskotch Sunday) walk in through the back door made of Black



“Well good morning sunshines.”, says Notnek.  <<as he smiles to himself and takes a

swig of his coffee.  Notnek then finishes counting his money and gathers it all up in

a bank logo covered money bag.  “Morning Boss.”  the Cook and the Dishwasher

reply monotonously in unison.>>


“You boys stay up too late, jerking each other off and paintin’ purdy pictures?”, says

Notnek.  <<his inquiry has a certain sort of creepily honest glee.


“Still a girl Boss.”, you say.  <<you pull your hands out of the pockets of your battered

black leather jacket and grab your breasts and shake them at the bald man in

Hawaiian shirt you call Angry Dad (A.K.B.S.A. as Notnek)>>

“Sorry Junior…”, says Notnek.  <<to your breasts>>


“Ummm…no boss, we went out for coffee this morning.  Finnegan woke up today to find

out that her husband had gone and ‘r-u-n-n-o-f-t’ with her son.”, says Hopskotch Sunday.


“Damn Junior, I’m sorry for yer loss.  Go getcha a shot and get this kitchen open.  I’ve got

some new meat comin’ in from that Dave Torch guy some time today.  Mix it in with our

regular burgers and see if the customers will eat it tomorrow.  Maybe I can cut cost a bit.  

I’ll be back in a bit.”, says Notnek.


<<Notnek whistles a jaunty tune and swings his money bag like a lover’s hand as he

exits through the Black Metal Back Door of the Bucket o’ Blood.  Reverend Duff

looks up fro his mopping of the lobby floor as you and Hopskotch walk into the

dining area to clock in at the waitress’s cash register computer next to the bar.>>


“Bless my soul Finnegan, you look sadder than Young Werther’s Ghost.”, says the

Reverend Duff.  <<Mostly High, as he inspects his fellow proletariats>>


“Morning Duff.”, you say.  <<offering the wise janitor a weak smile>>


“Good morning Duff.  Yes, Finnegan is suffering from unrequited love and the loss of her

child.”, says Hopskotch Sunday.


<<you punch in your employee number on the computer.  you look as if you might

start to cry at the slightest provocation Finnegan.  the Reverend Mostly High Duff

purses his lips and nods solemnly.>>


“I’m Sorry to hear that my dear.  We’ll discuss it in detail if you like after I finish

mopping.”, says Duff.  <<he puts his favorite left hand on your shoulder>>


“I woke up this morning and found a reality I know I’m not supposed to be in…”, you say.  

<<starting on what you know will be an excessive rant that will lead you and any

listener in illogical emotional circles>>


“I know that you both have to get your own labors begun.”, says Duff.  

<<he pats the handle of his broom.  Finnegan (Also Known By Some Assholes as

“Junior”, A.K.B.S.A. as the Cook) and Hopskotch (A.K.B.S.A. as the Dishwasher)

decide to take Notnek’s advice and have a shot of something strong and mind

numbing from the bar before opening the kitchen.  whiskey for Finnegan and Rum

for Hopskotch.  Hopskotch has a shot.  you pour a glass.  Hopskotch hates himself

less than you yourself.  the work day marches on, new meat in the mix.>>


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