“Is it not crystal clear , then, Comrades, that all evils of this life of ours spring from the tyranny of human beings? Only get rid of Man, and the produce of our labour would be our own. Almost overnight we could become rich and free. What then must we do? Why, work night and day, body and soul, for the overthrow of the human race! That is my message to you, comrades: Rebellion!”
– Old Major, from George Orwell’s Animal Farm (1945)
<<welcome to a dream Finnegan. this is a picture of the future. one of many futures to picture. it is the year 4325, are you surprised Mankind is still alive? there is a city. it looks like a cross between twenty third century Oklahellmouth City and Rome after being sacked by Alaric I. there are wrecks of vehicles on fire in the streets and in the air. buildings stand gutted by fire and explosion. corporate bank building skyscrapers look like cave dwellings. look…there! do you see the humans dressed in rags, running in terror? there they are, running from Cowmen creatures dressed in military garb. the Cowmen carry their guns in their humanoid hands as they walk on their hind legs in the streets. it is very much like the Minotaur chasing his sacrificial youths and maidens through Daedalus’s Labrynth, eh? this looks way more interesting than watching you abuse the walls in your flat. do you not agree Finnegan? do you not think…so?>>
<<we see a black skinned man with a beard, a shaved head and a shotgun. in one hand this familiar man holds a machete that he uses to cut off the head of one Cowman and then another. “Hopskotch!!!”, screams another bald head. but this angry being is not something that you would call human. the name of your dishwashing buddy is cried out by a human head perched atop a cow torso, complete with gore dripping udders, six arms, two legs and a tail with a blade tied at the end. this being is called Notnek. two of his arms are human arms, and the other four are cow limbs with human hands attached where the hooves used to be. the human hands’ knuckles are covered in a bone/hoof like material. on Notnek’s back at the base of his head is located a cow’s head, fully animated and just as full of rage as his man head. this man/cow monster stands naked except for a red Hawaiian print button up shirt, custom made to fit his six arms of anger.>>
“Gawd Damnit Junior!!! Someday I’ll wear your intestines as a necklace!!”, screams the Notnek monster. <<in a fiery rage.>>
<<along side the sword swinging, shotgun wielding Hopskotch is another human holding a double sided ax in one hand and a book (from which she is reading aloud from)in the other. this woman is long haired, war weary, with shocks of gray in her purple and brown mane. she is intent on reading from the book. her name is Finnegan. this woman looks a lot like you, except older and sober.>>
<<old sober Finnegan pages though the book and to Hopskotch says:>>
“Are you sure the words are in here Hop?”
“Yes!”, replies Hopskotch Sunday.
“I mean really, James fucking Joyce?! That is what the giant spider sold you?”, says Finnegan. <<asked a bit incredulously.>>
“Page 319 damnit!! Start on the line Anansi highlighted.”, says Hopskotch.
<<bellowing over the cries of other soldiers dying in battle.>>
“Can’t I just say Klatuu, Baradda, Niktoe and be done with it?!”, says Finnegan.
<<jesting in the face of danger is a reoccurring theme for you huh, Finn?>>
<<an explosion answers you.>>
“We can’t hold the line any longer guys, now or never!”, shouts another longhaired human. <<he is leading another group of humans fighting off Notnek and his Cowmen army.>>
<<Hopskotch glances at Finnegan and gestures for her to read. Finnegan throws her ax at a cow that comes too close and turns to page 319.>>
Finnegan chants, “I shot be shaded, throttle me, fine me cow heel for never. Unsquebauched and ersewild aleconner, consumer, consume her for bringing Briars to Brembracken and raining rings round old Demetrius!”
<<an explosion knocks old sober Finnegan to her knees. she shouts these final words:>> “Cholk and Murble in Lonestime!!!”
<<after these words are spoken, a flash of lightning comes down from the sky and opens a doorway between Hopskotch, Finnegan and Notnek. out of the doorway crawls a ten foot spider with a human head.>>
“I am Anansi, the guardian of the web of time. You have summoned me with your book of words, human woman. What is your wish? Finnegan? Wow! I didn’t recognize you girl! You look older and…sober. Weird. What’s up bud?”, says Anansi the spider.
<<Anansi is an enormous spider with a huge human head (a head that oddly enough looks a lot like ‘MErican’ actor, George Taki. Finnegan steps toward the doorway of light, holds up the book, points to Hopskotch and says:>>
“James fucking Joyce?! Really Anansi?”
<<Anansi tilts his human head back and laughs, the laughter shakes his whole spider body and sends vibrations through the web of time. the whole world seems to shimmer and a wave of air passes through everyone and everything.>>
“Everyone’s a critic.”, says Anansi the spider.
“Hopskotch and I seek passage to 2016 A.D. ‘MErica’, before the Horde takes hold of this planet.”, says Finnegan.
<<G.T. Anansi looks from you to Hopskotch Sunday to Notnek, to all the soldiers fighting on both sides of the battle and says:>> “Yeah I can dig that. I’d rather be there myself, come on through the doorway. Wait, do you guys now serve the Dark Lord Azathoth now per chance?”
“Who? No…uh, Hop is an Atheist and I’m a Catholic. And we just got here a few years ago. Should we be worshiping… whats it’s name?”, future you says.
“Ahhh… I dig. Not to influence your alliance in matters at the Cosmic Level…but Long Live the Resistance to the dark forces of the Oklahellmouth!!! You guys ready to roll?”, says Anansi the G.T. headed time traveling spider.
<<Finnegan and Hopskotch Sunday turn and look at one another and then back to the science fiction actor’s head perched upon a giant spider’s body and cry:>>
“Truck Yeah!” and “Yes!!”
<<and with those words Anansi, guardian of the web of time, shoots a line of web around Finnegan and Hopskotch and turns, scuttling back into the doorway of light. back through the tear in the fabric of time. the Finn and the Hop follow the Spider and hop on through, pulled by the web.>>
“Nooooo!!!”, roars Notnek. <<both from his human and cow mouths. Notnek falls to his hands and feet and starts to charge the doorway of light, like a raging bull. the group of human resistance fighters circles around Hopskotch and Finnegan’s exit door, increasing their firepower. as Notnek plows though humans and reaches the doorway of light, Finnegan and Hopskotch have both leapt through it. they carry their weapons, the book, and the fate of the human species into History…errr…Herstory? half man, half cow, and pure rage follows suit tearing up the human resistance.>>