09 The extended discouraging political life of AuxHillary KimTong

“I love Billy Bonka.  I worship Billy Wonka.  Bow down before the machine.  I feed the machine….therefore, I am the machine!!!
Rise above the restrictions we impose upon ourselves!

After I break through the glass ceiling I will personally guarantee the installation of more Billy Bonka machines in every small town casino.
You are one with the illuminati, and we believe in you.

The feeling you get when you hear Gene Wilder cheering you on as you win back the twenty republic credits that you fed the machine…those are the moments that our forefathers fought wooden tooth and nail for.  Those are the feels I get, when I think about you, the ‘Mercian’ people who elected me to serve you.

I would not be here doing what I am today if you all weren’t out there doing what you do.”

– AuxHillary Kim Tong
<<A West ‘Merican’ presidential speech that was never delivered.>>

illuminati information dissemination:

Today the roads of West ‘Merica’ and car tires are made of plastic.  And AuxHillary’s automobile and readymade road manufacturers have magnetized the plastics so that the tires “magick themselves” up off of the road and into the air, gliding along the roads that way.
The Kim Tong roads and bridges infrastructure revitalization was a sure way to get AuxHillary through the glass ceiling and into office.  The illuminati had  all the pieces on the board.  Oh MaryAnne where are you now?

A kindsoul told me that the machine would not feed me exactly what I fed it in return.  I knew this to be true…but I emptied all of my pockets once again.

Now Kim Tong says,


“I was the best at being second place. Now I’m just the runner up.  These words all come from a place of darkness. So, I have to go a little dark sometimes to recount them all. ”

 

<<Oh AuxHillary….where are you now?>>

<<the illuminati swim team had intended to build up the participating countries infrastructure through ForceWork restructuring, a finance incentive that was promoted by the Kim Tong Foundation.  Tronald Dump’s intellectual property rights lawyers got ahold of AuxHillary’s program blue prints and filed patent ahead of her office.  it seems that there was a mix up in the security of the Kim Tong email servers.  new East ‘Merican’, a.k.a. Russian (sic), email servers have been installed in the illuminati computer community.>>

<<Tronald Dump and Vladimir Linkeyedin have been slowly educating their populations on macro and micro economics series.  North Korean leaders have decried these theories is witchcraft and sorcery in and have this been kicked off the illuminati swim team>>

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08 Aneurysm on the Rocks


<<you, the woman on the hospital bed, dream. we enter your brain through your left ear canal. circling around the wrinkly pink bowling ball, we bounce off the side of the right eyeball and get tangled up in the cords coming off of the rear. let us untangle ourselves and go look at Sleeping Beauty’s dreams, what do you say? inside your mind are images of a friendly faced, ashen blonde haired man speaking to you. you and i travel here as one. we watch the light float. we see fleeting images of you and the friendly man dancing and embracing. you walk down a hall with the friendly man and there is slow piano music playing. a beautiful young boy with long blonde hair runs toward the man and you. the boy is caucasian pink colored like his adults and resembles you both. he smiles, calls you, mom and the man, dad. the boy jumps into your entwined mom and dad arms. you all smile and hold each other and sing and dance. happy songs, round and round. suddenly there is a flash of lightning from above and the sound of thunder crashing down. the friendly man’s smile turns into a mocking glare. he stops he dance. the man raises his arms to the sky and starts to chant loudly. it sounds like something horrible from a James Joyce novel. you and the child drop to your knees and cover your four ears. the man screams a new song,>>

“Hamburger, Hamburger, one. two. three!!! Hamburger don’t you mess with me!!!”

<<the man shrieks and the world shakes. the ground opens up between in front of the three of you. the hole in the ground becomes a seemingly bottomless pit. out of the pit rises a humongous hamburger with eyes on the top bun and human legs protruding out of the bottom bun. the hamburger is wearing a type of human male undergarment, commonly know as tighty whiteys. the no longer friendly man cackles, grabs the child and jumps into the hole. you scream out to the child, “Thor!!!” and to the monster, “No! Bring back my baby!!! Damn you!!!” the hamburger laughs. it is a huge and deep monstrous laugh. then the hamburger dances, shaking the ground. shaking his tighty whitey covered bottom bun.>>

<<now you dream of who you were. of how you came to be at this hospital. you dream of a woman on a different bed. the woman’s name, your name, is Finnegan. and you wake up screaming. you wake up sweating and out of breath. you wake up alone in your blue room. Finnegan the Cook, you glance around the room, looking for something or someone. you see a glass of dirty water with several paint brushes soaking in it, a half finished drawing of a hamburger monster from the dream, piles of dirty clothes, and a child’s toy on the floor of the hallway. Finnegan, you climb off the bed and grab a bottle of whiskey from thin air on your way into the hall.>>

From thin air? Am I Magick the Drunkening or something?

<<ok it was next to the paintbrush water jar. let me embellish ok?>>

Artistic license over my life, given. Check.

<<you nudge mountains of toys over to the sides of the hallway so that you can stumble through. you take great gulping swings from the bottle as you teeter past your missing in action son’s playthings. you…>>

OK. Bring it down a notch. Mmm’kay?

<<fun killer. a door on the left is open and you enter and flip on the wall switch to illuminate a bathroom. you rest the whiskey bottle on the countertop and turn on the faucet. Finnegan in the mirror turns a bar of soap over in her hands and uses the lather to wash her face. her face, your face, is attractive (for a human face) and free of makeup, as you do not care to wear it that often. you have large bug eyes, a couple ear piercings through each ear and a lip ring. after washing and drying your face you take a shot of mouthwash from a free bottle on the counter. mirror Finnegan swishes the minty liquid around and around. trying to kill off the bad evil germs from sleep and cheap whiskey. you squeeze toothpaste out of a hipster brand toothpaste tube onto a toothbrush adorned with a cartoon character known as Jerry, Agent Octopus!! in mid brush you freeze when you notice the note written on cardboard and left next to the lamp on the countertop. the note was written in black sharpie on the back of some cardboard torn from a box of diapers. it reads:>>


<<you drop the toothbrush and crumple the ‘dear Finnegan’ note into a ball as you make angry fists. fists like these are useful for slamming repeatedly against mirrors, until they scatter. then the fists can be used to beat against bathroom walls until they crumble. the walls grow holes which remind you of your dream. so you make more. the crumbling drywall is useful for soaking up the blood pouring from the cuts on your hand from the broken mirror. always an upside Finnegan.>>


<<ok Finnegan, you are a bit out of control in this part your memory, and i would hate for you to dwell on the pain during your hospital rest, so let us take a break from the Cook and see what our other hero, the Dishwasher, was doing around this time or near after.>>

Gee, thanks for the break…

<<do not ever say that i did not do anything to you…errr…for you…>>

07 Cow Patty Steam Punk


<<and then Finnegan, you really wake up. and for the most part, coherent.

it is then that you realize that consciousness does not like you. you wake up with a plastic tube inside your left lung. there you are, hands tied to the bed like you are a character in a cheesy erotic romance story. a plastic tube is thrust through your open mouth, snaking down your throat and pumping air in and out of your lung. why? you do not know. you just woke up from…from a dream or a memory. either way it was bad. you are a thirty something year old caucasian female human of ‘Merican’ origin. you have long brown and purple hair flowing all over your face and shoulders. you have tape holding various tubes sticking to your pale white skin. you have two large soft protruding organs that previously secreted milk on your chest, with a drawing of an old skeleton key on a keyring

tattooed on one of them. those organs or “fun bags” (as you have called them in your memories that i read) are also strapped down to the bed just like your arms and your hands that reach and claw to get that damn tube out of your throat. you breathe. your breathing is shallow. you feel the inside of your lungs. you, who have smoked a thousand cigarettes and complained ceaselessly about kitchen grease clogging your air flow; you have never, ever really felt your lungs before. now they hurt. now they bleed. your ribs are broken on one side and crushed on the other. you have a plastic tube in your left lung…and you want it out.>>

<<you hear someone mumbling nonsense and an animal growling angrily. the room around you is empty of people, but there are machines. machines that beep and monitor. machines that pump air in and out of you. as you choke and struggle to bring your hands up off the bed to get the tube out of you, you remember that your tongue is a snake like monster that goes all the way down the back of your throat. you consciously work the entire length of the snake back and forth, pulling the tube up and out of you. the animal growls louder, coming closer. as the tube gets closer to the top of your throat, you hear a woman scream. a nurse rushes into the room just as your hands break free of the bonds tying them down. you finish extricating the breathing tube with your hands. you turn left and right trying to figure out where you are. you ignore the nurse and try to find the angry animal that made the fierce noises that woke you up. finally you see the nurse talking at you and realize that the animal growling was you.>>

“Holy shit, you’re alive?! Umm…conscious…I mean conscious!”, says the nurse.

<<the nurse steps up to your hospital bed and helps relieve you of the breathing apparatus. your eyes bulge and your throat aches, but you are breathing.>>

“I…wa…Where…I…me…an…how…Thor?! Where?! Thor?!”, you croak.

<<another nurse enters the room with a mask connected to another tube. tubes. you distrust, you loath tubes. the first nurse tells you to “Relax Sugar.” and holds a cup of water up to your mouth. you drink. this is the best water you have ever tasted in your life.. it is stale and has probably been sitting on the desk across from the hospital bed that you are in since the last patient died there, but it is the nectar of the gods inside your mouth and against your throat. the water glides down your throat, soothing the ravaged tissues of bloody flesh and down into your empty acidic stomach. the newly arrived nurse says something soothing and meaningless as she replaces the cup at your lips with the mask. you scrunch your eyebrows together in thoughts of protest and displeasure, but the mask is emitting some sort of gas and you cannot fight the desire to try and breathe new things into those aching lungs of yours. the flesh of your throat knits back together like yarn. you feel your rib cage start to mend itself back into a rib cage like shape. the gas takes hold of you and soothes you down into the darkened bedchamber of your mind. you are alive. you breathe. and although you know in your heart that there are two special humans missing from your life at the moment, somehow you know that in your body, you are not alone right now. as the last vestiges of coherent thought leave you, you can feel someone moving through the broken parts of you. this does not make sense to you, but there it is. and now you sleep the sleep of the truly medicated.>>

But wait, wasn’t Ruben just here?

06 Letter to Shilo 2

( fromUnkle Bill W BobChange)

Dear Shilo,

I am writing you again from Normal Towne. I am living here again. Living, if you can call it that. The people in the library won’t leave me alone. I try to tell them to go away, but then I find I need something from them. To pose for a drawing, or for advice on a place to sleep that night, or just to bum a couple quarters for a bottle. Wombat Anton Rilson once said we should: “Be hard and relentless in creating a comprehensive list of vices and virtues. Consider the intensity, why and in what way they manifest, their cause and effect. Observe how they are connected, just like a system of nerves.” These folks at the library get on my nerves. But they are better than the bums over on campus corner.

I’ve felt different ever since that meeting with Ruben. Everything is different since that lecture you took me to in McCow Towne. The books I read call to me. The drawings from my Children’s Crusade move and dance on the page. There’s this voice that tells me about…hold on. The library people need my attention.

Where was I? Oh..Pass. I said I’ll pass. It’s not the booze talking. Let me take these pills.

Love and Sadness,

img_8081

05 The Virus takes the Lead


(Talking inside the Cook’s Head)

<<hello friend, it is me, the Virus. i am going to tell you the story of how i came to be inside you, and most everything else that i could get my hands…err…DNA on. i will narrate. i will speak about you and others in the story whom i have found interesting. and as i process the thoughts of you and THEM, i will experiment with the grammar and structure of your human language along THE WAY, to tell the story as i see fit. not that this is all that important in relaying the series of events back to you, MY INITIAL HOST, but i would like for the story to be more coherent for the consumption of random acolytes in the future generations of human and other beings created in my image.>>

“Hrrrrn…?”, you think.

<<we are inside your head. think of this as a not so lucid lucid dream.>>

“Dreams and Dreaming…”, you mentally mumble. “I am having the strangest dreams tonight.”

<<some night huh? i wish i could have been at that art show too.>>

You’re a funny little voice…heh heh heh…

<<thanks Finnegan. i like to think of myself as wise and witty. i…>>

Yeah I like vegetables.

<<i am sorry, you what?>>

Nooo…I mean, I feel like a vegetable…mmmm…hmmm…

<<it is humorous that you should say that, because you are in a vegetative state. remember all that drinking you did when your husband left you and stole your son?>>

Hey! I know a really good, no no, great recipe for a generic vegetable stew! You want I should tell you about it Virus?

<<your inside inside voice is sooooo innocent sounding and trusting that i cannot help but indulge you Finnegan.>>

<<sure kid, go ahead.>>

Great! I hope you like to cook, cause this is a really great meal. Your friends will really dig it man. Did you know that I’m a cook?

<<you know i had heard that somewhere…>

Really? Cool! Ok, here you go, first you get some pot, ha, no I mean you get a large cooking pot…and…wait… I really know this recipe man…

<<you stop, start again, stutter a bit and mumble like a mindless git; and just when i am about to derail your stoner of the month cooking show, your cute little mind eyes glaze over and you recite the following, speaking like a human text book:>>

Day One ingredients:

1 cup red cabbage

1 cup green cabbage

1 cup carrot

1 cup celery

1 cup white or red onion

Day Two ingredients:

1 cup of sausage or beef (optional)

1 cup of chicken (optional)

1 tablespoon salt (sea salt or prefered)

2 teaspoons coarse black pepper

1 clove garlic

2 tablespoons chopped ginger

sautee all these ingredients in a pan or skillet and then add to vegetable stew pot. fresh garlic and ginger can be substituted for granulated or powdered, but it makes

the soup gods sad.)

1 cup (or so) of minute or quick cook (brown rice

(regular rice can be used but will need to be cooked in advance to avoid crunch soup…unless that’s your thing man.)

add whatever seasonings you prefer to further flavor the stew.

I really enjoy generic curry powder, cumin, cinnamon, chili powder,

paprika, and some basil. A couple teaspoons or so of each

seasoning should do it, perhaps a bit more. Start off with less

and and more to taste as it simmers. You’ll get a feel of how

much seasoning you enjoy the more you experiment.

(You can add the seasoning to the stew itself or to the

meat as it cooks initially.)

 

Overall Process:

Day One:

Shred, process, diced or chop the vegetable ingredients and deposit them into good size stock pot or pan. Cover with water and simmer with a little salt and olive oil (about a tablespoon of each). Simmer down and replace the water. Ideally cook the vegetable stock for about an hour. Let cool and refrigerate over night.

(Cook time and fridge time can be shortened. The heating and cooling and reheating seem to bring out and strengthen the vegetables natural flavor.)

Day Two:

Start to reheat the vegetables in one large soup pot. In a separate pan sauté whatever meat(s) and seasonings you prefer. After meat is fully cooked add to the pot of vegetable stew. Add another cup or so of water if pot allows room. Add about a cup of quick cook rice and preferred seasonings. Let the stew simmer on low temp for about an hour if time allows, at least for a good 10….. to…. 20… min..utes.

<<your voice starts to trail off at the end. i want to tell you how good this all sounds, but you have passed out again.>>

Sorry about that…

<<no worries. there was a doctor in the room when we met. he had two large men in suits escorting him. the three men stood around your bed.>>

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna give her a shot and leave her here?”, asks IshiZuka to the Doctor.

“There was a story about a man named Job who had everything that he could ever desire, and then he had it all taken away a piece at a time. God and the Devil did this to Job just to see what would happen, and to settle an argument they had been having. Job was always thankful and appreciative to God for what he had, when he had it. He always praised God and continued to try and do so even when all his precious things were taken away. Like Job, this woman lying here was thankful for her blessings, but instead of thanks to God she gave way to accusation of God about why so many in this existence have to go without. She cried for the suffering of others and made it her own. This woman has done what most of humanity has always done, she would drink and cry about the need for more. Granted she wanted those in need to have more, but she called God out on his shortcomings. That is how she ended up here.”, says the Doctor.

“Well, that was a lot of words to not answer my question.”, mutters IshiZuka.

“Hey, illuminati, you gonna leave her here or give her a future? Either way the bus is leaving.”, asks Yukio.

“Both.”, answers the Doctor.

<<and with that he turns and walks out of your hospital room. Yukio and Zukio shrugged and followed.>>

<<then you and i started to become better acquainted…after this short break>>

04 The Laboratory of Doctor L’Argent du Sang

“I will illuminate.”

– Eboo Patel

<<IshiZuka and Yukio enter the hospital’s emergency room and pass through the waiting area. IshiZuka finds himself drawn to the traumatic life experiences that he sees inside the hospital’s waiting room. this is a frequent occurrence that always displeases Yukio.>>

<<on multiple occasions IshiZuka has spent entire afternoons commiserating with various accident victims inside whatever hospital he and Yukio happen to be working near.>>

<<Yukio never bothers with other humans if he can avoid it. Yukio just averts his eyes and walks past the middle age man with a knife still stuck in his hand, bleeding onto the faded blue overalls he’s wearing. Yukio ignores the elderly, grey haired woman wearing a floral print nightgown. the woman is moaning and gasping to another, much younger woman that she,>>

“Never come to see me unless you need money!” and that, “our time here is short, you need to get right with the lord!”

<<the young woman looks at a magazine and ignores the old woman.  the magazine headline reads,>>

“Tronald Dump signs bill funding Palestine moon base expansion.  Population exceeds 2 million.”

<< IshiZuka just watches in awe and nods to the man with the knife through the hand as he and his brother move past the emergency area and down a hallway behind a door marked “staff only.”>>

<<the hallway leads straight forward for about the length of an average city block and then sharply turns right and then again abruptly left and then runs another city block leading to a T-shape intersection. along the walls of the halls are the doors of various rooms.>>

<< X-ray Lab, Cardiology, Nurse Breakroom; these are just a few of the exciting places one can visit in the hallway maze. Yukio has to turn around and drag IshiZuka away from the windows in these doors, because each window shows a different hospital drama unfolding.>>

“Zukio! Please keep up with me! We are not here to sight see. We are here on the Big Boss Man’s business.”, Yukio says.

<<Yukio insists this as he pulls IshiZuka away from his most recent reality show diversion. After spending ten minutes progressing deeper and deeper into the hospital’s intestinal shaped hallways; Yukio and IshiZuka finally arrive at the research laboratory of Doctor L’Argent du Sang. the two men stand at the frosted glass pane door framed in dark treated wood and each man adjusts their black or white suit before entering through the door.>>

<<once inside the laboratory, Yukio and IshiZuka walk past the few patients in the waiting area and up to the receptionist. the receptionist is a man in his early twenties; a college student looking type with a northern accent, brown hair and light blue eyes. he eyes the two large and well dressed men before him and picks up the telephone receiver on the desk and speaks into it; one hand holding the phone, the other covering his mouth as he talks into it. IshiZuka smiles wryly at Yukio as they exchange a quick glance in each others direction.>>

“The Doctor will see you now Brothers, although he is currently with a patient.”, says the receptionist.

<<IshiZuka thanks the man, as Yukio ignores him and walks through a set of dark brown wood doors into a laboratory filled with purring machines, test tubes held by men and women in white lab coats and goggles. these humans are apparently doing amazing experiments with terrific scientific implications, because they pay the two eye catching men no heed.>>

<<when Yukio and Ishizuka finally get into Doctor Sang’s office, they interrupt him injecting a series of fluids into a small seemingly disabled child. Yukio pays no heed to the Doctor’s look of displeasure and turns to the child’s parents and gives them the international recognizable “get out” hand signal with the large thumb of his large left hand. the parents rush to receive the child, Kevin, from the arms of the fearful Doctor L’Argent du Sang (or Dr. Sang as the less vociferous folks in the laboratory call him.)>>

“Okay Doctor, wrap it up. Mister Boss Man is ready to see what you have accomplished. Its is time for us to take that ride.”, says Yukio in a voice of someone who is used to being obeyed.

“But my work isn’t ready! The experiments are going really well and I think we may have accomplished that which the “Boss Man” has been hoping for; what he has been throwing money at me to get done. I just need a little more time to be sure…if you could just explain to him…”, begins the Doctor.

<<but the Doctor is cut off when IshiZuka picks him up from his chair and stands him next to Kevin and parents who now stand next to the laboratory door ready to depart.>>

“It is time we all left Doctor…”, begins IshiZuka.

“Tell your patients goodbye now.”, finishes Yukio.

<<the room’s emotional weather forecast is now: Tension clouds with the chance violence might rain.>>

“Hrrrrmm…yes, very well then.”, says the Doctor to the Brothers.

<<the Doctor looks to Kevin and his parents and says,>>

“All tests show that the implants show no signs of rejection. The organs we installed should grow at the same speed Kevin does, and the DNA should continue to adapt. I may be out of touch for awhile, but stay in contact with my office and keep me up to date on Kevin’s progress. And don’t worry if he seems to talk to himself a lot. That is all part of the healing process.”

“Thank you so much for healing Kevin, Dr. Sang…”, starts Kevin’s mom.

<<She breaks into tears of joy and clutches her husband’s arm. Human emotions fill the room. The husband turns away from his wife and son and faces the Doctor to say,>>

“I know the treatment is still in its experimental stages Doc, but it has worked miracles on Kevin. I think that you could change the world Dr. Sang!”

“That is my greatest hope and my biggest fear…but thank you, thank you for all your help and your trust.”, says the Doctor.

<<The Doctor shakes each family member’s hand in turn and the pats little Kevin on the head.>>

“Okay, okay. Make sure and shorten your workouts into manageable intervals throughout the day kid.  Let us all go now.”, says IshiZuka solemnly.

<<The Brothers lead Doctor L’Argent du Sang out of his laboratory/office and through the waiting area and around the earth shattering experiment lab and through the T-shaped intersection hallway and back out the emergency room entrance and out to the parking lot and into the passenger seat of Mister Boss Man’s shiny tiny car. >>

<< Yukio closes the door on the Doctor and climbs into the seat directly behind him. IshiZuka opens the driver’s side door and squeezes in behind the wheel and starts the engine. The humans all buckle in, the Doctor turns from Brother to Brother and says, >>

“What on earth is so damned important that it couldn’t wait until I finished with my appointment?!”

“You have another appointment Dr. Sang.”, says Yukio from the back seat.

<<the Doctor is slammed against his seat as the car speeds out of the hospital parking lot. Yukio and IshiZuka exchange giant grins via the rear view mirror.>>

“Damnit I haven’t even had lunch yet!!”, says the Doctor in exasperation.

<<IshiZuka slams on the brake pedal and looks over at the Doctor, transfixing him with large dark eyes. The car’s emotional weather forecast is dark and foreboding. The Doctor holds his breath as he tries to meet IshiZuka’s solemn eyes.>>

“Good point. Neither have we.”, says IshiZuka.

<<Yukio and IshiZuka eye each other for a brief moment. the Doctor shifts nervously in his seat.>>

“Let’s take him by the Diner on the way out of town Zukio.”, says Yukio.

<<Silence fills the car but not the empty stomachs. IshiZuka drives on. Yukio picks up a book called, “Why Climate Change is a Nancy Boy un’Merican’ Lie”, written by Lush Limbaugh and published by Ticky Tacky University Press. Yukio reads and mutters scattering words. Doctor L’Argent du Sang stares out of the window in desperation. McCow Towne passes the riders by. Ten minutes later into the drive the trio arrive at the world famous McCow Towne Diner, “Oh My, Antoine!!!”’s>>


<<The restaurant is a simple modern brick structure with a red roof and a large blacktop parking lot. The cookie cutter establishment somehow has a magical small town feel to it. The Brothers, the Doctor can tell, have previously enjoyed the food and atmosphere here a lot. Truth be told the good Doctor even harbors a secret fondness for a good plate of comfort food, but his current lunch companions do not inspire much of an appetite today. The Brothers sit down where they please; in spite of the “please wait to be seated” sign posted at the entrance. The Brothers quiz the polite yet frazzled waitress on today’s lunch specials and her marital status. Yukio orders chicken fried steak and eggs over medium and IzhiZuka tries today’s soup, Red Lentil and sweet potato (see appendix). Doctor L’Argent du Sang settles on a small chef salad. The Doctor hopes that salad is consumed often enough at this establishment that the lettuce mix will be fresh and more than just chopped iceberg and carrot shavings; but judging from the waistlines of the other patrons he seriously doubts it. Judge judge judge. Just hope the chef salad isn’t made out of chef.>>

<<After ordering IshiZuka, Yukio and a cook (curiously named Tim Duck and roaming free from the kitchen) make small talk at the trio’s lunch table. The Doctor studies the lines on the back of his hands and the shadows they make on the table.>>

“So Yukio passed gas in Mister Boss Man’s shiny tiny car and the smell changes three different times! It goes from bad decisions, to rotten eggs, to divorce and alimony…bwaaaa ha ha ha ha!!!”, says IshiZuka.

<<IshiZuka says the first half of this in a hushed, mock offended manner; before erupting into a roaring laughter. he does this, not only to pretend that he doesn’t want the other patrons to hear, but so as to attempt to embarrass his older brother. This ploy never works out. Yukio is beyond embarrassment concerning bodily function.>>

“Yuck. That’s some sick shit yo.”, says Tim Duck. <<before breaking into laughter of his own.>>


<<Tim Duck speaks in a tone and volume of voice that clearly indicates that he gives zero fucks about who overhears his conversation. The Doctor cringes at the topic discussed and the language used to discuss it. The Doctor is not the only person ill at ease with the conversation. Jeff, the current owner of “Oh My Antoine!!!”’s is particularly unsettled by not only this conversation, but by the types of employees that he hires to help feed the hungry masses. Good help is hard to find. What can one do? Jeff the owner and Mr. L’Argent du Sang the Doctor both find themselves trapped in contemplative silence as the Cook and the Brothers enjoy their existence on earth and discuss cooking and eating food.>>

“So how exactly do you make the ‘Badass Supreme Sandwich’, Tim Duck?”, asks IshiZuka.

“Well I’d tell ya big fella, but then I would either hafta kill ya or put you to work back in Boss’s kitchen.”, says Tim Duck.

<<The stresses of restaurant ownership weigh heavily on Jeff, so he is contemplating his own lunch for that day; to have a bullet through the head or a glass of Bullet’s Bourbon…hmm decisions, decisions. Fear not Finnegan, he chooses the glass of bourbon today. The Doctor sits thinking of the many varied interpersonal interactions that occur in a food establishment on a daily basis. Interactions between bosses and cooks and waitstaff and bartenders and dishwashers and delivery persons and customers. Interactions between food and equipment suppliers and manufacturers and farmers and plants and animals. Food service starts at the dirt in the field, and grows into food on the vine, and then travels a complete three hundred sixty degrees and ends up back as dirt on the dining room floor to be swept up by some janitor. The Doctor thinks of all this, and of the whole of West and East ‘Merica’, and of all of their restaurants, and the people who work and eat in them.>>


<<After the lunch of deep thoughts, the Brothers pay Jeff the Boss off for their meals. The Brothers guide the Doctor back into their own Big Boss Man’s shiny tiny car and get back on the road again. IshiZuka drives the shiny tiny car to the train station and pulls it onto the train’s car car and into a parking space. This is one of ‘Merica’s many large vehicles built to transport it’s many small vehicles across this great nation of cooks and con-men. The Doctor tries to relax on the train, but his thoughts keep going back to a cook. The Cook and her child.>>

Trump replaces Bannon with Dalai Lama

Is it an attempt to throw off the liberal alternative fact based mainstream media?  Or has Donald Trump’s spirituality finally gone Bigly?
The know nothing digest’s own Fawn Keff Jennedy interviewed the man in orange on Airforce One yesterday afternoon.  


Good morning mister president!  What’s on your mind today?

“Open mic eh, Jennedy?  I like the cut of your jib.  Ok.  I saved America money by switching to Geico and now I’m going to save our next incarnation by helping America realize her true will.  If I can’t get His Holiness to introduce me to my HGA, then the deal is off.  Brannon’s back in.  Kushner and his gay black lover can get over it.  I’m mean what happens in Russia, stays in Russia.  Am I right Vladimir? Or am I right?”

I know that’s right mister president!

“Anyway, I’m gonna win another one for America by retiring Airforce One.  Corporate jets are out.  Thanks Obama.”  

Uhh…

“It’s hard to be this funny in this good looking you know, Fawn?”

Sure.  Yes sir.  

“But seriously, I’m going to start flying my family, the Secret Service and myself on United, or I know I can get a seat anytime I damn well please.  That’s all for now Fawn. Go away. Don’t mess this up and there’s a position for you at the hotel.”

Yes sir! 

It seems the administration staffing shake up is not over yet.  More as the story develops!  TTFN

Fawn Keff Jennedy, KND Intern Writer


This article of information was paid for in part by customer oriented companies such as United Airlines, the big lot of trolls that they are.  

And from an endowment from


These abusive professionals.  Thx bud. 

Theknownothingdigest reports the unbiased opinions in an alternative factual manner.  Do what thou wilt is the whole law y’all’s.